Pointing A Gun At God.

Revelation can come from anyone and anything including American Dad tv series (another tv series from the maker of Family Guy – so you know what to expect right? ;D)

If you don’t know both series, I suggest you to google it.

It was a christmas edition where Stan being a know it all person that led to his own death. As he got to the after life, he went to heaven trial trying to get his second chance to re-live his life.

Since his life wasn’t as good as he thought, he couldn’t get his second chance. Knowing that and the fact that his family on earth was threatened by cold and could die at anytime, Stan tried to get to God by taking his heaven lawyer as a hostage to get away from the court.

After quite a series of events, he finally managed to see God. Stan forced God to let him back to earth, threatening Him with “heavenly” gun that had the power to kill heavenly being. God commented, “Okay now, you’re pointing gun at me because you didn’t get what you want?” (Haha, we do that quite often aren’t we? :p). Then God told Stan that everything happened according to His will and His time. He told Stan that he couldn’t go back to save his family and that his family was going to die. Stan finally gave up and he said that he felt sorry to have been so arrogant and acting like he knew everything.

And what happened next? God granted Stan’s wish. He gave Stan a second chance, all because Stan showed an act of humility. God told Stan that it’s exactly what He wanted to see from Stan.

As the ending credit rolled, I thought, the story hit close to home. It’s definitely like the usual thing we do when it comes to God and our will.

Like Stan we often think that we know it all, we know better and we want everything to go according to our will. We sometimes even try to threat God just to get what we want. We tried so hard to get things to go our way when it actually only takes a little humility to admit that we don’t know everything and trust from our side that God knows the best for us and that everything will be alright in His time.

Is it that EASY? NO. Not at all. It's hard to deal with things when you can't even see the big picture. It's so easy to think we know what's best for ourselves when in fact not everything we think as best is good for us.

I remember one speaker at church said this, "it's my job to pray and it's God's job to heal" - yep, there are things that we can do and there are things that only God can do. We can't try to do the things that only God can do.

We need to be humble enough before God to let Him take control and to work on our behalf, we need to let go of our pride and let Him direct our path and we also need to trust Him and let Him help us to overcome our unbelief.

Besides, life would be better if we can be a little flexible with the process ;)

Singlehood.

I am single and I have been enjoying myself so far except for the fact that the people around me are quite annoying enough. I believe those who have been living in singlehood would understand what I mean.

There’s nothing wrong in being single, of not having a boyfriend or a husband. What I found as wrong is the society who thinks that it’s wrong. I think I’d rather have a late marriage than having a marriage that would drive me insane because I choose the wrong person just to fullfill society’s expectation of me.

I have quite a number of male friends that I can confide in, that I can trust, that I can get crazy with, those who love me enough to let me be me and those whom I love with my whole heart although I don’t have romantic relationship with them. And so far, I’m content with that. (besides I also have great female friends).

Don’t get me wrong.

It’s not that I don’t open my eyes to every possibilities I encounter. Those who know me, knows that I am a hardcore lover and I always love without hesitation. I have fell in love with several men before, I have been in a close to more than friends relationship with several men, I have been feeling miserable because of love and got all those painful side of romance relationship. Some leave marks that stay for quite a long time. Even so, I haven’t given up on love. Only, I have decided not to put my happiness solely on my status.

Those experiences have taught me to carefully guard my heart and not to just put it on the table because the drama in a relationship can leave you exhausted and tired. It can worn you out. Those experiences have also taught me to really give my time and effort to someone who is really worth it. To someone who thinks that you are worth of his time and effort as well.

Charlie Brown said it well, 'Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.' And nothing is time wasting quite like giving time to someone who’s not even worth it in the first place, because if you use your time to do something else, you would have done many things instead.

While you are still single, there are a lot of things you can do. Don’t get stuck in the mindset that no one loves you just because you’re still single. HEY! There is actually a lot of people who loves you and waiting to be loved by you. LOVE is not limited on the relationship between a man and a woman but LOVE is an universal language that can be understood by everyone. Don’t waste your love on people who only knows how to take granted of it but share your love on people who really need it.

When you give and sow love in the right place you’ll be amazed on the amount of love you’ll get back.

Don’t put the worth of yourself on your status, when you’re still single it doesn’t mean that your worth is less that the people who has a spouse. NO, it doesn’t work that way. The fact that you were born into this world should give you the idea that you are worth to be in this world, you are worth to live and you are worth to be who you are. Nothing should ever change that fact. YOU ARE WORTHY JUST BY BEING YOU and you DON’T NEED ANYONE ELSE to VALIDATE YOUR EXISTENCE.

Do something you love, create, dream and make it happen. Be happy, be yourself and be grateful. If the time is right, the right guy will come and if the right guy is not coming then don’t worry, the value of your life is not measured by who you’re with but by what you’ve done to contribute.

And if you should love and like someone, why not love and like yourself because in the end, the one person who will always be with you is yourself. Enjoy yourself, pamper yourself and treat yourself right. You can never love other people if can’t even love yourself completely.

So, screw what people say about being single. I’m single, I’m happy and I’m living myself to the fullest.

Heart Talk.

I’ve been fasting for the past week and on the fifth day I can say that Heaven is so kind for teaching me a lot of stuffs and revealing some facts.
 
On the fifth day, I figured out another fact about the person I’m currently praying for. It was quite devastating. I didn’t have enough sleep the night before. I had a heavy talk with a friend about this particular person, my mind hadn’t stop thinking and I was having a whole day meeting. So, yes, my heart was in a mess. I took some time to sit on the office pantry, stirring myself a cup of tea and sat on the side of the window, looking out. My heart was breaking but I was even too tired to shed a tear.
 
But then, I thought to myself, why would on earth I grief over something that is not even worth to shed a tear over? Didn’t I pray? Didn’t I fast? Didn’t I trust God? – and I started to laugh. Maybe people thought I was crazy for laughing with no reason but I know the exact reason why I was laughing. I asked God and He answered.
 
More things are revealed after and all the things that I was secretly wishing for was granted. What can I ask for more from God? I’m thankful. Things might not go in the way I wish they would be but, it is enough for me to know that God really listen to my prayers. I have to say that getting through this phase is like knowing God all over again and the way He’s romancing me to comfort my heart is definitely grand. I love Him.
 
As for the particular person I’m praying for, I know that Heaven loves him more than I do and I know that God knows what’s best for both of us. If we don’t end up together then it would be for our best, God sees the bigger picture that neither me nor him see at the present moment. Currently I don’t have any idea of what will become of us, all I can do is to pray and surrender. I pray for him, I pray for his future, his family, his potential and his faith in God. I pray that God will protect him and take care of him, because no matter how much I love and care about him, Heaven loves and cares about him more.
 
If things don’t go the way I want it to be, I ask God to grant me a big heart, peace to embrace His plan and the heart to still pray for his life. And yes, I would need to focus on other things rather than let myself carried by what I feel. I’m looking forward for His plan for me, hopefully I won’t get sidetracked again :)

The Need To Explain.

It’s quite an amusing fenomena that sometimes when we asked something, people don’t answer it directly but instead explaining something.

For example :

“where do you live?” | “oh, i don’t live with my parents here, I live alone at a dorm.”

Err, that’s not exactly answering the question right?

Or, just like a conversation I had earlier :

“I don’t like changing plan when I travel with bunch of people.”

“hmm, yeah that can be quite a hassle. however, what do your friends think about the change of plan?”

“well, these people are great people to travel with.”

“err...what I mean is, do they have any objection on the change? If not, then it should be fine.”

“ohh...yes, they’re fine. they’re cool with it.”

Again, not really answering my real question but instead explaining about something else.

Thus, I made a conclusion that sometimes our pre-assumption translates something we hear according to what we think we hear people say instead of what people really say. Thus, come the need to explain because we have somehow mislead the question into something we have already thought of.

Maybe my friend thought that I asked the question because I thought his friends are bunch of whiny people who would easily complain when something doesn’t go as expected. Thus, he explained that his friends are great people to travel with. While my REAL QUESTION was whether everyone was okay with the change of plan and WHY I asked that question was not because I thought that his friends are bunch of whiny people but because if everyone’s agree with the change of plan then it should be fine and he should not be worry about it.

And I did that too. When someone asked me a question, sometimes I felt the need to explain something in the answer to ensure that he / she really get what I mean. Or sometimes, simply because I assumed things as the reason why he / she asked the question thus, I felt the need to explain a bit more to answer his / her reason. If you pay attention to the explanatory answer, you will find some underlying truth or actual feeling in response of the question. That is very interesting.

Living Without A Dream.

Someone told me yesterday that he never have any dream. Even as a child he never knew how to answer a simple question like “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. He also can’t get the concept of following your passion because he doesn’t even know what is his passion. It stunned me.

While in the opposite side, I’m a hardcore dreamer. I have lots of BIG DREAMS, such as the dream of building a school for unfortunate children, the dream of becoming a professional photographer, the dream of having a tea place where people can get off from their busy day for a while and have a moment of solitude and peace, the dream of traveling all around the world, diving, taking pictures and having my own photo exhibition, the dream of having a family with children and a dog and maybe then traveling with my kids to let them see the beauty of their homeland, etc.

That’s A LOT right? YEP.                                                                              
That’s why I always put this on my bio : just a little girl at heart with dreams bigger than the world.

I have people telling me that my dreams are TOO MUCH, TOO BIG and TOO IMPOSSIBLE. Well, don’t you think it’s kinda cool to challenge yourself to do all those stuffs and prove them wrong? *smile*

Dreams give people reason to live, dreams helping people to make plans and getting through life. Dreams can be the reason why people are not giving up because they believe in the future, in the coming things, in making the dreams come true. Dreams help people to have a hope for tomorrow, to set the priority and to prepare them for what’s coming in the future. Dreams give you excitement, something to look forward to and joy in trying to make it come true. Dreams teach you how to handle disappointments, how to act when things don’t go the way you want them to, how to keep pushing through and getting up everytime life knocks you down.

I remember a verse in the Bible said, “where there is no vision, the people perish.” – dreams or vision giving people direction and setting the course of their life. when you have no direction then what kind of life would that be. Living life just like that is not enough. Living life in the now is good, but it is not enough. When you live in the now without having a vision of the future, you will only wasting your time doing something that will never produce anything and slowly, it will eventually drain your life.

It doesn’t mean that I’m against living in the present. Living in the present, in the now is also very important because you cannot go living in the future without the present. But to live the present to the fullest, you need to have a vision of the future because what you do in the present will create the future.

I am a firm beliver that everyone is here in this world to make a difference, everyone is called to live a great life not just ordinary normal life. The only problem is sometimes, we’re satisfied enough with the ordinary. We settle down too easy in a safe net just because other people seem to do that. It’s like keeping an ocean size fish in a small pond. Not quite comfortabel ain’t it? J - so let it go a bit and free the potential inside you.

If you stumble into this blog and read my post, I hope you will soon find your dream and have the courage to pursue it. Live your life to the fullest because you only get to live it once.

Unhappy.

I think the reason why people are uhappy is because they are unwilling to let go of the things that make them sad.

Hati-hati Apa Yang Kau Minta.

Berhati-hati jika meminta hati yang kuat, karena Tuhan akan membiarkan masalah datang bertubi-tubi untuk membuatmu kuat.

Berhati-hati jika meminta kerelaan hati, karena Tuhan akan mengijinkan yang berharga diambil darimu.

Berhati-hati jika meminta kerendahan hati, karena Tuhan akan menghajar semua kesombonganmu hingga tiada lagi tersisa.

Berhati-hari jika meminta hati yang senantiasa bersyukur, karena Tuhan tidak akan memberikan yang kau minta agar kau belajar bersyukur dengan apa yang ada.

Berhati-hati jika meminta kebaikan hati, karena Tuhan akan mengijinkan berbagai-bagai kepahitan dan kekecewaan untuk menyakitimu.

Berhati-hati jika ingin meminta, karena belum tentu kau akan tahan prosesnya.

Berhati-hati jika ingin meminta.

Investasi Cinta

Secara ilmu ekonomi, jika kita ingin berinvestasi maka kita juga harus memperhitungkan return yang akan kita terima dari investasi tersebut, jangan sampai kita berinvestasi pada hal yang malah justru akan merugikan kita.

Hal yang sama berlaku juga di dalam sebuah hubungan.

Mungkin analogi tersebut tidak umum dipakai dalam menggambarkan sebuah hubungan karena terkesan seperti “itung-itungan” – padahal sebaliknya, dalam kenyataannya sebuah hubungan bekerja seperti halnya berinvestasi.

Sebuah hubungan yang sehat terdiri dari hubungan saling memberi dan menerima dalam porsi yang seimbang. Tidak ada satu pihak yang selalu memberi dan tidak ada satu pihak yang selalu menerima. Ketika kita berada di dalam posisi di salah satu ekstrim maka hampir dapat dipastikan bahwa kita berada di dalam sebuah hubungan yang tidak sehat.

Ketika kita berinvestasi tentunya kita memilki suatu ekspektasi hasil dari investasi tersebut, untuk mengelola ekspektasi kita maka sebelum kita berinvestasi kita harus mempertimbangkan baik-baik apakah hasil yang akan kita dapatkan sepadan dengan investasi yang kita keluarkan.

Hal yang sama juga berlaku dalam suatu hubungan. Ketika kita berinvestasi lebih dalam suatu hubungan (tidak hanya secara materi tapi juga waktu, perasaan, pikiran dan tenaga) namun hasil yang kita dapatkan tidak sepadan maka hal tersebut biasanya akan membuat kita merasa kecewa, patah hati atau sedih.

Katakanlah apabila kita menyukai atau tertarik kepada seseorang, kita umumnya akan memberikan pancingan investasi-investasi kecil untuk melihat apakah hasil yang kita peroleh sepadan dan jika hasil yang kita peroleh tampak baik maka kita akan berani berinvestasi untuk hal yang lebih besar lagi dalam suatu hubungan, yaitu komitmen.

Gw mengikuti salah satu produk tabungan investasi dimana setiap bulannya gw harus menyisihkan sebagian pendapatan gw untuk dimasukkan ke dalam produk tabungan tersebut. Karena gw telah merasakan keuntungan dari investasi tersebut, gw tidak ragu untuk berkomitmen melanjutkan produk investasi yang sama dengan jumlah yang lebih besar. If an investment is returning well, we won’t hesitate to invest more. It works the same with people and relationships.

Oke, mungkin kalian akan berkata, “Ih, itung-itungan banget sih lo. Ga tulus deh!” – well, gw percaya bahwa hampir 99% di dunia ini tidak ada yang tulus. In one way or another, kita pasti mengharapkan sesuatu atas apa yang telah kita berikan atau lakukan (JUJUR AYO JUJUR). Jika kita setulus itu maka tidak akan pernah ada sakit hati dan kekecewaan. So, I’m here talking about reality.Realitanya, jika kita memberi pasti kita harap kembali meskipun kata sebuah lagu kasih ibu tak harap kembali, percayalah ibu kita mengasihi kita juga pasti berharap kita menjadi anak yang berbakti meskipun tentunya jika kita tidak berbakti pun kasihnya tidak akan hilang. Nah, itu sudah bukan lagi bicara soal tak harap kembali tapi bicara mengenai kebesaran hati.

Analogi mengenai investasi ini gw dapatkan dari salah satu istri pendeta di gereja gw pada saat kita membahas mengenai relationship antara pria dan wanita. Salah satu kesalahan yang umum dilakukan di tahap awal sebuah hubungan adalah, terlalu banyak berinvestasi padahal return yang kita dapatkan juga belum jelas sehingga ketika hubungan itu tidak memberikan return yang seimbang dengan investasi yang telah kita berikan, kita mengalami kekecewaan.

Semua orang ingin dicintai dan semua orang butuh untuk mencintai. It is how we are built. Tapi dalam proses mencintai dan dicintai, ada yang harus kita pertimbangkan yaitu seberapa besar investasi kita dan seberapa besar return yang akan kita dapatkan. Return bisa berupa banyak hal tidak hanya selalu seputar materi, bisa saja itu waktu, perasaan, perhatian dan lain sebagainya.

If we manage our investment carefully, most likely we will get the best return and not running out. Kita tidak menghabiskan resources yang kita miliki untuk return yang tidak pasti. Jangan sampai kita berinvestasi pada hal / orang yang salah sehingga kita menghabiskan sumber daya kita yang akhirnya membuat kita sendiri kelelahan dan kekurangan. It is not worth it :)

Jika investasi tidak sebanding dengan return mungkin itu saatnya kita berhenti berinvestasi dan move on.

"Don't push your luck!" kata orang, kadang kita bisa menjadi keras kepala untuk terus berinvestasi pada hal / orang yang salah dengan alasan mungkin saja investasi ini akan memberikan hasil suatu hari nanti hingga akhirnya ketika investasi itu tidak memberikan hasil kita malah akan kecewa dan telah menghabiskan banyak waktu dan tenaga.

Dengan demikian, sebelum kita berinvestasi dalam suatu hubungan, pertama kali yang harus kita lakukan adalah menjadi realistis dan mengelola ekspektasi kita. Buka mata lebar-lebar dan pastikan bahwa kita tidak berinvestasi pada hal yang salah dan berhati-hatilah sebelum berinvestasi. Don't put everything in when you can't even predict the return :)

*) post ini ditulis untuk mengingatkan diri sendiri yang cenderung terlalu royal berinvestasi hehehe :)

No Process Shortcut.

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going – Beverly Sills

I’m currently praying for something, something so specific that sometimes it scares me.

It scares me with the what ifs. What if the answer is not exactly like I want. What if I’m praying for the wrong thing. What if I missed out the real thing when I’m focusing myself to pray for this one thing. What if this is just a waste of time. What if I don’t like the outcome and I’m hurt again. WHAT IF ---

For the first time in my life, I’m seriously praying for this one thing, the matter of the heart.

I hate uncertainty when it comes to the matter of the heart, sometimes I want to speed things up but then again, I need to really learn to slow down, keep calm and be patient because nothing worth having comes easy.

YEAH RIGHT.

The uncertainty in the matter of the can mess up with my head sometimes, it has the chance to ruin my mood, my feeling, messing up with my intuition and cloud my judgement.

THAT DOESN’T SOUND RIGHT.

Yes, it does. Especially when this time, it’s my first time to really put on my request to God for this specific thing. I don’t know what He has in mind or what does He think of it now, but I know He knows how serious I am with this request (and He knows how crazy it is although it’s quite natural :p).

Before I decided to really pray for this, a friend told me, “Don’t hesitate to ask God, whatever His answer will be, just believe that you will not be disappointed and you will know why some things are not working and why other things are working.” – of course when it comes to the matter of the heart, it’s NOT THAT EASY to trust God. There’s personal expectation, personal wish, personal expectation, everything is personal.

In the end, I just hope that this one is worth waiting for and worth praying for. I also hope that I am patient enough to wait as He unfolds everything to answer my prayer, that I am brave enough to trust in His time and His answer and always be grateful in everything. I believe that if it’s worth having then it’s worth waiting and if it’s worth waiting, I believe God will give me the patience and the endurance.

Wish me luck and happiness! :’)

Komodo Dive Trip.

Bulan September lalu tepatnya di tanggal 11 – 14 September gw bareng beberapa temen ikutan dive trip ke Komodo. Trip yang udah di-plan dari satu tahun sebelumnya bersama almarhum sahabat gw, Mas Arip adalah highlight trip of the year.

Trip ini juga yang membuat di awal tahun ini tepatnya di bulan Februari, gw dan Mas Arip memutuskan untuk mengambil AOW. Setelah mendengar review dan cerita mengenai diving di Komodo dan sempet dipanas-panasin oleh salah satu temen kantor dengan ditunjukkin foto-foto dan video underwater. Rasanya tekat semakin bulat, dompet semakin mantap dan eksekusi dijalankan.

KOMODO adalah trip jauh kedua gw setelah BANDA NEIRA di tahun sebelumnya (yang juga gw jalani bersama Mas Arip).

Tidak hanya Mas Arip, Mas Boy salah satu dive buddy waktu ke Banda Neira juga ikutan join dalam trip Komodo. So, it was a looking forward trip for us. Plus ditambah, adanya Ais (temen waktu batch OW) dan Wika (temen trip selama ke Pulau Seribu), semakinlah trip tersebut semakin ditunggu.

Sayangnya, di pertengahan tahun ini, Mas Arip, sahabat, dive buddy dan temen perjalanan gw meninggal dunia. Kita sempet plan lanjut ke Ruteng setelah dari Komodo yang kemudian harus dibatalkan karena kehilangan yang tak terduga ini. It was such a great loss for us all yang mengenal Mas Arip.

Perjalanan ke Komodo dimulai dengan rentetan kejadian yang mendebarkan seperti gw, Ais dan Mas Boy yang nyaris ketinggalan pesawat, nama di boarding pass gw bukan nama gw tapi malah namanya Mas Arip (yang membuat kita merasa bahwa Mas Arip juga ada sama kita di Komodo :’)) dan kapal yang belum siap pas kita loading ke atas kapal dimana beberapa temen sempet gatel-gatel digigit kutu busuk dan akhirnya tidur di dek kapal tanpa sleeping bag dan tanpa selimut.

Hari selanjutnya yang seharusnya merupakan hari pertama diving, adalah hari yang paling dinanti tapi penantian itu harus sedikit terganggu karena adanya insiden seperti kapal yang tidak bisa sandar di pelabuhan Labuan Bajo sehingga tidak bisa mengisi air dan mengharuskan kita menunggu waktu untuk sandar tapi ternyata tetep ga bisa juga dan akhirnya kita memutuskan untuk jalan aja dengan risiko ga bisa mandi. Untung pas malam harinya ada kabar bahwa kita bisa mengisi air di Pulau Komodo.

Semua kerusuhan itu terobati dengan pemandangan bawah laut yang indah dan petualangan seru di Komodo. Pertemuan dengan Manta Ray, White Tip dan Black Tip Shark, BumpHead, GT, Penyu dan crowd makhluk laut yang rame rusuh plus hajaran-hajaran segala macam current membuat kita cuma bisa ngakak-ngakak bahagia setiap abis dive (entah karena narcosis, stress kena current, emang gila atau tulus bahagia...udah ga bisa ketebak lagi).

Kejadian-kejadian unik selama diving pun gw alamin bareng temen-temen satu grup (karena kita ramean, jadi dibagi 2 grup dan grup gw paling RUSUH XD). Dari kisah tangki lepas, fin kebelit tali sausage, hook yang nyantol sampe kram kaki dan insiden ga bisa descent semuanya punya cerita dan semuanya ngebikin kita ngga berhenti ketawa ngebahasnya.

Di setiap trip, hal yang paling menyenangkan adalah ketemu dan kenal sama temen-temen baru, apalagi kalo temen-temen baru kita sama gilanya dan sama rusuhnya. KELAR itu trip. Selain diisi gegilaan massal, sharing knowledge tentang diving dan dive destination juga jadi pembicaran HITS selama di kapal. Plan demi plan dive dan sharing ilmu diving bertebaran di setiap saat. Itu momen paling seru.

So, buat yang penasaran secantik apa sih komodo itu, monggo dilihat beberapa gambar yang diambil oleh salah satu temen trip gw, Ko Edwin Silvester :) - If you need more info on Komodo trip and how to get there, just leave your email on comments and I'll be more than glad to help you :D

the missing conversations.

I miss all the conversations over the phone, where we would talk about books, about life, about passion and about faith.

I miss the sudden reply, an opened chat window or a short quick call you did when I told you something was wrong.

I miss all the laughters, the sincere conversations where we can be honest about our feelings without all the drama and awkwardness.

I miss all the jokes and all the silly things we discussed. Your expression of idealism, your kind heart and beautiful mind.

I miss how you care enough to find me a job at your place (in your country) just because you knew all the "office stories". Although we didn't make it but just knowing that you care was enough for me.

I still remembered how we promised to introduce whomever we are with to each other and you told me that you're going to do the scanning for me. You always told me that he would be a lucky guy to be with me.

When things were going low, you popped on the chat window and giving me the song that encouraged me. Telling me that I am special and beautiful.

The silly crazy conversations we had where we always talk to each other and about each other.

I miss you, but more, I miss having what we had, real conversations. Because hey, real conversation without motives is so rare nowadays and I would love to have such kind of conversation with anyone. Yes, with anyone.

Surat Untuk Seorang Sahabat (pt. 2)

Dear Mas Arip,

Mas Arip apa kabar disana? Mas, akhirnya kita semua sampai juga di Komodo. Aku, Priska, Mas Boy, Ais dan Wika. Trip yang udah kita rencanain dari tahun lalu. Trip yang jadi alasan kenapa kita sepakat ambil AOW di awal tahun ini. Rasanya ngga sama tanpa kamu, tapi kami semua tau, kamu ada bersama kami disana. Di kenangan kami, di hati kami.

Waktu nama di boarding pass aku dari CGK – LBJ ketuker sama nama kamu (sehingga aku harus pergi atas nama kamu), disitu kami tau, kamu ngga pernah jauh, kamu juga mau ikut ke Labuan Bajo. Kamu ada bareng kami semua dan kita sama-sama ke Labuan Bajo.

Aku yakin, kalau kamu masih disini, kamu pasti seneng banget diving di Komodo. Aku masih inget kamu pengen banget ketemu Hiu dan Manta. Nah, selama di Komodo kami ketemu mereka semua. Aku tau kalau Mas Arip ada sama-sama kami, pasti kita udah tos di bawah air, joged-joged seneng ketemu Hiu dan Manta. Kami juga ketemu Giant Trevally, Bumphead, Barracuda – semua ikan yang pengen kamu temuin.

Komodo itu cantik Mas, bener kata kamu, bagian timur Indonesia itu ngga ada habisnya untuk dieksplorasi. Kalau kamu masih ada bareng kami, pasti deh, kalau pagi-pagi kamu udah bangun, duduk di dek kapal sambil bawa kamera dan motret sunrise (ngga kayak aku yang molor mulu :p). Kamu pasti tiba-tiba udah ada di atas atap kapal atau di tempat-tempat ajaib lainnya, seperti biasanya, menyendiri dan asik mengabadikan semua pemandangan dan ngga lupa, posting di path tentunya (yang lalu bikin sirik sejagad raya).

Pointer kamu patah waktu aku diving di Bali, Mas. Sedih banget rasanya, tapi mungkin itu sebuah pertanda bahwa aku harus bener-bener ikhlas merelakan kepergian kamu.

Terimakasih ya Mas buat semuanya, selamanya kami semua akan menyimpan kamu dalam kenangan dan hati kami. Buat kami, kamu selalu hidup disana.

Finally I can say that I have found my peace to let you go, my dear best friend, my dear best buddy.

Keep Calm, God is on your side.

My life in the past three months has been pretty wild. Juggling from one crazy thing to another crazy thing that left me feeling exhausted mentally, physically and spiritually.

I was just surviving, not even thinking of living.

I had an exciting volunteering trip with a team of doctors to East Sumba recently, it was great and amazing. I was so pumped to plan some great things for the children there.

But when I came back, the routines hit me in the face. Not that I'm being ungrateful but some things are definitely hard to deal with.

Only God knows (and now you do) how every morning I tried to drag myself off my bed, praying for extra strength, patience, wisdom and guidance to SURVIVE the day. Yes, I'm thankful enough if I was able to survive the day.

I've been put up to deal with my fears and to be honest, it is tiring. It is putting me under pressure and stressed me out. I didn't have time to think of anything else but trying to figure out how can I face tomorrow and get through it.

I'm at the verge of breaking down and giving up.

I took a day off last Friday to go to Treasures Women's Conference held by my church. I was hoping to get some time to clear things off my head and focusing on whatever God might want to tell me through the conference.

It started off good and ended up quite distracted by some work related messages that almost made me yelled "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE WILL YOU?!!" - thank God I didn't do that stupid thing but instead constantly praying for patience in replying those messages :)

I told God that I feel so tired only to find all the preachers in the conference telling me not to give up and keep pressing on, not to mention, in the same night I received an email from a friend whom I have not been in touch for so long, telling me this (I'll just copy her email) :

"KK, I felt God wants to encourage you about your heart to follow him. He sees your heart and don't let the fire die out. I mean I saw such passion in you and I know you will be a great influence for God. Not necessarily in full time service (although if he calls you to do it then you should just go for it !), but your passion to bring glory to him should never fade away."

I cried.

God believes in me even when I don't believe in myself and even when I think it's too hard for me. He believes in me. Full stop. Without any requirements. Without any terms and conditions. He still wants to use me for His glory. Me, a clumsy clueless girl and He wants to use me for His glory.

God has His attention on me and as long as I do my best and be obedient to Him, I will see His plans fulfilled in my life.

Fear can come knocking on my door, but I know that I am not alone, I have God on my side and whatever the enemies is throwing at me, I can be calm because I have a God who's fighting for me.

Things are not always smooth, that's life. I have gotten used to it. I don't know what I'm going to face tomorrow (in fact I might get into an uncomfortable situation tomorrow) but I know God is with me and He will be my best defense. People can put me down, underestimate me, think that I throw stupid questions or say stupid things, they can hurt me by what they say or do, but one thing I'm sure, Heaven is not letting me walk alone. God knows how hard I've tried and I know I can always count on Him.

So now, I'll just keep calm and surrender all to God. I want to stop at surviving but start living instead. Yes, I want to start living His plans for my life.

Because Everyone Has Hurt...

Maybe if your soul can dance it will look like this :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNHi7Wa7vpc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Broken and Fixed.

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
....
....

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

.Fix You -Coldplay.

I love that song. It feels so hopeful that there is someone who is willing to cope up with my brokenness and help me to fix it.

The thing is...once something or someone is broken, nothing is ever be the same again.

When you fix a broken glass, trying to put all the pieces together, it might look as if it's whole again but if you pay attention you can somehow see the broken lines. the scars from where it was once broken.

It is made whole but it will never be the same.

Broken people, broken trust, broken relationship, broken heart and other things broken in our lives might never be the same again no matter how hard we wish they would still be the same.

Yet to accept the change would still be a choice that all of us should make. It's either we move on, we stop believing or we try again.

One thing I also learn, we can't fix broken people. Only they have the power to fix themselves. We can help them picking all the pieces but we can't put all the pieces together.

Each of us has the broken part and no one can fix us but ourselves. Only we know what we once had before we are broken and unless we are willing to try to get what was lost from us we would never be able to fix the broken part.

Speaking of scars, they will always be there as a reminder of what we've been through. They are a lesson we will never forget although we might already forgive.

The scars, the broken lines...they are the sign that we were once broken but we survived and we recover.

Yes, we will always recover and become stronger.

Premonitions.

Who said seeing the future is fun? It’s not or maybe, it’s just me who always get a premonition for something that I don’t wish to happen.
 
It’s always about someone that is close to my heart. A death of a friend’s mother, a friend’s break up, something that is an answer to my question about someone (which is not resulted in a positive answer), and so on.
 
Sometimes it comes in form of a dream, sometimes it’s just a strong feeling about something that I know would happen. I thought maybe it was a sign of something that might happen in the future that I need to prepare myself or maybe my friend to deal with it, but then again, it can be so random that I don’t even know why I’m getting it.
 
There are days when I’m having dreams and sometimes I wonder whether it’s a premonition or not, especially the sweet ones, but I know better that every premonition always comes with a queasy feeling in my tummy and it’s never sweet. I wish, most of the time, that at least for once, I’d have a premonition about something good. About something sweet.
 
Maybe, you don’t need to be prepared for something good,  but you will always need to be prepared for something bad.
 
Maybe, I think so.

Finding The Reason WHY.

WHY?

...is the common question we’re asking when we’re faced with a situation that’s out of our hands or something unexpectedly bad happen to us.

It’s very natural to question WHY, it’s very normal to ask WHY, because there are things in the world that we cannot quite understand why they happened to us.

Sometimes we feel as if we’re living life just as we should. We’ve been good, we’ve been nice but then why do the bad things happen anyway? Well, I cannot quite give you the answer why. It’s something greater than our understanding and I guess, that’s just how life is.

I lost a best friend two days ago. It was a painful loss. He was a dear, dear friend. Then later on, I got another news that a friend was missing at the sea because the ship he was on, was drown by a sudden storm. Until now, we haven’t heard anything about him. It’s hard. I still met him last week. We were still joking around and now his whereabout is unknown.

Yesterday was a rough day.

I want to ask God, I want to question Him, I want to know...WHY.

WHY my friends? WHY people who are dear to me? WHY them? WHY so sudden?

Yet, I’m tightlipped and I can’t even utter a word to Him. I’m sad and angry, but deep inside I know I want to believe that God must have something in mind, something that I don’t understand for now. I know that God is good and when He let something happens, He definitely knows what He’s doing.

The question WHY doesn’t always come in the same envelope with the answer and to wait for the answer can be so freaking hard. It’s not easy at all. It’s not.

In this hard time, I am reminded by a verse that said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matt. 5 : 4, NIV) or in other translation the same verse said, “You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.” (Matt. 5 : 4, TMB) – I think the verse is perfect for my situation.

It’s been hard accepting the loss but somehow I can feel that God is comforting me in ways that He knows will definitely give me comfort.

And that’s just how life is..things make us laugh, things make us cry. Life will still go on and time doesn’t pause just to give us time to grieve, no it’s not. Everything goes on and we should to. When there is pain, we don’t pretend we’re not hurting. We stop. We grieve. We cry and weep. Then, we go on.

For those whom we have lost, let’s just send some light and love. For those who lost your loved ones, just grieve properly and let them go. It’s hard, I know. But they wouldn’t want you to keep on grieving and stop living.

For those in difficult situations that you cannot understand why everything is happening to you, keep holding on, keep the faith. God is not leaving you. He’s with you, He’s holding your hand and He knows what He’s doing. Hang in there, help is on the way.

Surat Untuk Seorang Sahabat.

Mungkin hal yang paling menyakitkan adalah kehilangan seseorang yang dekat dengan kita dengan cara yang mendadak dan itulah yang terjadi. Pagi ini, gw menerima kabar bahwa seorang sahabat gw meninggal dunia dan untuk pertama kalinya gw nangis sejadi-jadinya di depan umum, di tengah-tengah mall, di tengah-tengah orang-orang yang ngeliatin sampe harus ditarik nyokap ke pinggiran. 

Sakit, sakit banget harus kehilangan dengan cara gini. Tanpa sempat bilang selamat tinggal, tanpa sempat ketemu untuk terakhir kalinya. Cuma, mungkin itu yang sahabat gw mau, dia ngga pernah mau nyusahin orang lain sampai akhirnya pergi pun, dia pergi diam-diam. 

Hati berusaha keras untuk ikhlas, mata berusaha keras untuk menahan air mata setiap kali kenangan akan dia terlintas. Ikhlas. Berat untuk ikhlas, berat banget. 

Dan tulisan ini pun...untuk dia. Mas Arip Rahman Hakim, seorang teman, seorang sahabat dan seorang kakak. Terimakasih untuk semuanya, Mas. Bahagia ya disana.  

ps: I write this to heal myself and to grieve in my own way. 

-o-o-oOo-o-o-

Dear Mas Arip,

Gimana kabarnya disana? Mas Arip pasti lagi seru diving atau naik gunung ya disana. Pasti Mas Arip seneng banget deh, sekarang Mas Arip udah bebas mau kemana aja. Udah ngga perlu nyari tiket pesawat murah lagi ya, Mas...hehehe.

Aku masih ngga percaya Mas Arip udah ngga ada, Mas Arip kan masih janji mau ke Ternate sama aku, Wika dan Mas Boy. Kita juga kan masih mau ke Weh, Mas, biar ngga kalah sama Ais. Tapi kenapa Mas Arip harus pergi secepet ini? Aku masih belum kenalin Mas Arip sama Abang, Abang juga suka diving loh Mas, suka foto juga kayak kamu. Tanggal 26 ini, Dive ID mau adain Dive Talk lagi, Mas, aku udah ajak Abang, tadinya aku mau ajak Mas Arip juga biar Mas Arip bisa ketemu sama Abang. 

Mas Arip inget kan Dive Talk pertama? Yang Mas Arip nyasar kemana-mana nyariin tempatnya dan kita bingung gimana caranya ya ngasih tau Mas Arip...eh tapi pas berhasil sampe tiba-tiba Mas Arip dapet doorprize buat kelas Buoyancy dari Banyu Biru Explorer. Aku masih inget Mas, abis itu kita bareng Mas Boy, Ais dan Priska ke Sushi Tei, Gandaria City, ngobrol panjang lebar. Dari Hiu sampai Horor. Aku masih inget kamu ketawain aku karena aku sebel banget denger cerita horornya Wika soal dermaga di Odi Dive, kamu malah ngajakin aku night dive disana sama Mas Boy, nakal deh!

Mas Arip, kita kan masih mau keliling NTT. Kita udah bikin plan-nya. Kita udah booking tiket buat Maumere - Kupang. Aku masih nyimpen itinerary dari Mas Arip dan masih inget banget waktu aku cerita sama Mas Arip kalau aku mau ke Sumba, pesen dari Mas Arip banyaaaak banget. "Nanti kesini ya Neng...nanti kesana..." - aku bilang aku ngga tau gimana caranya kita keliling NTT dan Mas Arip selalu bilang, "Nanti kita jalanin bareng-bareng ya, Neng..tenang aja." - itulah kamu, Mas. Selalu menjaga orang lain, selalu perduli sama orang lain. 

Kita kan juga masih mau balik ke Banda lagi, Mas...nyari sotong yang pake kacamata aku. Makan terong kenari, nginep di tempat Abba. Aku masih inget Mas, kita whatsapp'an pas nonton Ring Of Fire soal Banda, kita ribut banget kangen-kangen sama Banda. Itu trip besar pertama kita setelah Open Water ya Mas, dan seneng banget aku berbaginya sama kamu. Kita ga pernah selesai ngomongin Banda, meskipun yang lain udah bosen dengernya, tapi itu cerita kita, trip kita dan kita ngga pernah bosen mengingatnya. Terus setelah pulang dari Banda kita terus ribut mau ke Komodo dan janjian ngambil AOW bareng-bareng sama Ko Ronald. 

Aku kan belom naik gunung juga sama kamu, Mas, padahal kamu udah ngajakin ke Rinjani tapi waktunya ngga pas dan kamu malah akhirnya jadi sakit. 

Aku masih inget trip terakhir kita bareng Wika dan temen-temennya Ais. Kamu demam waktu itu Mas, waktu aku tanya, kamu cuma bilang kayaknya sinus kamu kumat dan cuma minta teh manis anget dan nitip dibeliin tolak angin. Di trip terakhir itu, kamu pinjemin aku kamera kamu, trus seneng banget waktu aku fotoin, kamu bilang, "Akhirnya ada juga yang motoin pas lagi nyelem..." - iya Mas, selama ini kamu yang selalu fotoin kita yah...foto kamu malah jarang banget. 

Di trip itu juga, kita masih bahas banyak hal, masih pengen ke Alor, ke Wakatobi...dan sama-sama bertekad kalo Raja Ampat itu destinasi terakhir setelah keliling yang lain. Sekarang, kita harus jalanin semua rencana itu tanpa kamu, rasanya sedih banget. 

Kamu emang ngga pernah mau nyusahin orang ya Mas, sampe saat terakhir pun kamu ngga mau kasih tau siapapun kamu kenapa dan kamu malah nolak buat dijenguk. Mestinya, aku juga keras kepala, maksa buat jenguk kamu, maksa buat datengin rumah sakit kamu, supaya masih sempet ketemu sama kamu. Ngga kayak gini, kamu pergi tanpa pamit. tanpa bilang apa-apa, sama kayak kalo kamu ngilang tiap pagi atau sore buat hunting sunrise dan sunset. 

Aku masih inget Mas waktu kita terdampar di Ambon gara-gara pesawat yang delay dan kita harus re-schedule semuanya. Kita nginep di Lahat, satu kamar buat berempat. Kamu dan Mas Boy selalu jadi orang yang jagain aku. Aku beruntung banget pergi sama kalian. 

Aku inget waktu pertama ketemu Mas Arip pas ujian OW sama Dive ID, disitu kita pertama kenal, pertama ngobrol, sampai akhirnya saling follow di twitter, instagram dan terus kontak2an dan pergi trip bareng. Aku ngga nyangka banget Mas, kalo cuma dikasih waktu setahun kenal sama Mas Arip, tapi setahun itu, rasanya udah lama banget aku udah kenal Mas Arip. Aku selalu marah-marah sama Mas Arip karena selalu posting foto-foto cantik di Instagram dan Mas Arip pasti cuma ketawa. Mas Arip yang twitnya selalu cerdas mengkritik dan selalu promosiin indahnya Indonesia. 

Mas Arip yang selalu bantuin aku siap-siap kalo mau turun, Mas Arip yang selalu bantu bawain barang aku tanpa diminta, Mas Arip yang selalu nungguin dan nyariin kalo pas lagi di bawah, Mas Arip udah jadi buddy terbaik buat semua orang.  Makasih banget ya Mas, selama ini udah jagain aku, sekarang pasti Tuhan sendiri yang jagain Mas Arip dan Mas Arip udah tenang dalam dekapanNya.

Siapalagi yang bisa aku sama Priska rebutin kalo bukan Mas Arip sebagai buddy kita, malah pernah kita bilang nanti di Komodo, kita buddy'an bertiga aja yah biar adil. Segitu kita sayang sama Mas Arip bukan cuma karena Mas Arip suka jagain kita, tapi buat kita Mas Arip udah lebih dari sekedar buddy, Mas Arip adalah sahabat dan Mas Arip adalah saudara kita. 

Kehilangan kamu itu sakit Mas, buat kami semua. Kamu pergi terlalu mendadak dan terlalu cepat, kami belum sempet ketemu kamu. Ngga ada lagi postingan foto-foto cantik di instagram dan path yang menyambut di pagi hari. Ngga ada lagi tawa kamu Mas...ngga ada lagi cerita kamu nyasar ke PIM padahal kita janjiannya di PI. Ngga ada lagi whatsapp kamu yang ngasih tau info flight murah dan janjian buat nge-trip bareng. 

Ikhlas itu ternyata berat ya Mas, berat banget. Tapi harus, supaya kamu tenang disana. 

Makasih ya Mas Arip, sampaikan sama Tuhan, makasih banget Dia udah ijinin kamu menghabiskan waktu sama kami. Banyak yang kehilangan kamu Mas disini dan itu tanda betapa berharganya hidup kamu. Perjalanan kamu keliling Indonesia mungkin harus terhenti sampai disini, tapi kami, akan melanjutkannya. Semangat dan cinta kamu sama Indonesia, akan kami teruskan. Untuk setiap tempat di Indonesia yang aku jelajahi, aku dedikasikan buat kamu. 

Sampai ketemu lagi ya Mas Arip. Terimakasih. Terimakasih. Terimakasih untuk sudah hidup di dunia ini dan terimakasih sudah jadi sahabat aku. You will always be missed. Always. 

Expect The Unexpected.

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
― Douglas Adams

Never in my life, I ever dreamed to set my feet in India but life always has its own way to surprise me with the unexpected.

Last week, I was in Mumbai, India for work related matters and since I was there over the weekend, I had a chance to visit one of the wonders of the world, The Taj Mahal in Agra. It was really an amazing experience, both the work and the fun time.

The one who was suppose to go there was a colleague of mine, he handed in his resignation letter just days before the departure day while I was still having my holiday in Bangkok at that time. I didn’t know about this until after I came back to the office. I only got 5 days to process all the documents and thank God that my visa released right on time just one day before the departure day. The whole preparation thing was crazy.

It was my first time assigned to overseas Branch and working with new people from various backgrounds and experience definitely has enriched me. It was something beyond my imagination and expectation. I found not only new colleagues but also new friends as well. Not just great working experience but also unforgettable travelling experience. I can say that I feel blessed.

Looking back, I never thought that I would ever be where I am today. For so many times I have considered to resign from my current office but somehow, I didn’t (with many reasons) and I can’t imagine where I would be now if I had made the decision. I personally have my own dreams, my own plans and my own goals that I wish to achieve, but somehow many things happen and I was detoured from my original destination. In the end, it’s been giving me a lot of awesome experience.

I believe every one of us has dreams, visions, plans and things we would want to achieve. I can understand how frustrating it is when it seems like it’s so hard to make everything come true, as if we’ve done everything but still nothing is seen in the horizon. Reflecting back to my own life, I have learned that in such situation, it’s better to be flexible to life because life sometimes has its own surprises that you will never expect and ones that you will be forever grateful for.

I love travelling. Thus, like all travellers do, I make my plans before I go. I make sure that my tickets and hotel are booked, I have enough clothes packed for the trip and of course, I have my what-to-do and places-to-go list. The planning part is always fun, it fills you up with all kinds of excitement and expectations...yet during the travel, things are not always go according to plan and sometimes, those are the most exciting part of the travel. When the unexpected happens, we will have an adventure to experience and stories to tell.

Life is pretty much like traveling, we make plans and things to do. We dream of things that we want to achieve in life and we hold on to it. Yet, when we live life, things are not always happening the way we want them to. But, when we learn to be flexible, drop all expectations, have an open heart and an open mind to what life has to offer, we will realise that everything happens for a reason and where we are right now – although it might not be where we want – is the place where we should be and sometimes, it’s even a better place than we ever expect to be.

Just believe that we will arrive in the right place with the right people at the right time. In the meantime, expect the unexpected and be grateful for whatever season, place and time we’re in right now because that’s exactly where we need to be.

Live and Be Happy.

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it's all that matters.”

- Audrey Hepburn

When I enter 2013, my new year’s resolution was simple: “I want to be happier than last year”

Being happy, I think, is the most wanted thing by every human being living in this earth. It’s something that all of us are striving to achieve in one way or another. Only, we often forget that happiness is a choice.

I’ve met people who placed their standards of happiness on other people’s life achievements. For example, people who think that they will be happy once they have a great sport car like their neighbour, people who think that they will be happy if they have a slender body like those models in the magazines, people who think that they will be happy if they are happily married like their parents or peers, and so on – and those people, they got frustrated when they couldn’t achieve that “happiness”

Fact is, you can be happy where you are right now if you choose to be.

People often asked me if being single ever bothers me – for me, it’s their question than bothers me most :p - well, it would be nice to have someone to be with but it doesn’t mean that it makes me less happy because I don’t let my happiness determined by someone else (or by my status). I’m single and I can say that I’m happy – something that still confuses most people. Being single means that I can still do a lot of things that people in a relationship (or married people) can’t do, things that you will miss having when you’re no longer single and trust me, there are a lot of them :))

You don’t wait for happiness to happen to you, instead it happens to you because you choose to be happy.

I can understand that many things in this life that are able to make us feel sad, upset, hurt, angry and bitter but to carry those luggage are too much for us in this short life. We need to learn to let go of the burdens and be grateful of life.

Being grateful is the first step of being happy. Being grateful means you can appreciate what you already have and be content with it. Being grateful means you are happy where you are, with what you have and with whom you are with. You don’t need to have anything or anyone in your life to make you happy because you are already content and you are happy with that.

Being content doesn’t mean that you are easily satisfied or that you no longer have the desire to go for the best. Being content doesn’t mean that you are happy with the status quo. No, being content is not to let anything keep you from being happy, from being grateful. You can always aim for the best and have your dreams but when things are going out of your expectations, those things won’t be able to keep you down and steal your joy.

There’s a beautiful quote that said, “Don’t just survive life, LIVE life.” – It’s true! Many people are merely surviving not really living because they’re too busy trying to make a living instead of living life. When we stop trying so hard to get all those things that we think would make us happy, that’s when life is happening then our heart will become larger and we will start to clearly see what we already have and be grateful for it and when we start to be grateful, we are choosing to be happy.

So, let’s start to LIVE LIFE and BE HAPPY! 

I AM LOVED.

When I was in a Christian book store one day, I came across a book with an interesting title, "The Bad Girls of The Bible" - it was a book discussing about the women labeled as bad in the history of the Bible and their roles in God's plan for salvation. I think that's interesting that God never use the perfect people to fulfill His plan and talking about "Bad Girls" - I think I can pretty much relate to that.

Knowing my on-off relationship with God, knowing how broken I am, knowing that my life is such a mess and knowing that I screw up most of the time...nothing can make me qualified to be called as someone that GOD would love and my love for God...it fails every time. But Heaven knows best that I'm trying. 

God knows how difficult I am to be loved sometimes. God knows how broken I am and how messed up I am. He knows me to the very details of my life, the ugly and the bad. I'm struggling to receive His love, because it's simply hard for my mind to understand that how come someone loves me just the way I am with all the extra luggage that I carry in my life. 

 

A father shared his story in the church this morning. His son did something bad and to discipline the son, he was grounded. Later at night when the father tucked his son in his bed, his son asked him, "Daddy, do you still love me?" stunned by his son's question the father said, "Of course I love you, why did you ask?" his son then answered him, "Because I've been bad, maybe you love me less.." and the father replied, "No, I still love you and know that just because you are grounded it doesn't mean that I love you less." -- and that's how God's love for us. 

Sometimes, when we're going bad, God will discipline us (for our own good) and it doesn't mean that He loves us less. I'm glad that He's that way. I know I messed up most of the time but He's always there for me, loving me and helping to clean up all the mess. 

I know how hard it is to try to be perfect just to be loved. I know how painful it is to be someone you're not just to be accepted. I know how heart breaking it is when you've tried your best but it seems like it's not enough. That's why I'm glad that I don't have to impress God to make Him love me, I don't have to be perfect to make Him love me and I don't have to be anyone else just to make Him love me and He expect nothing from me. He demand nothing in return. 

 

The Cross, is the proof of His love for me and you. It's not something that He did to make us guilty for not loving Him enough (because hey, how do you know when enough is enough when it comes to returning His love to you?). The Cross is a reminder that God loves us nonetheless. The Bible does make a point when it says that God loves us even when we are still sinners. 

 

His love is mind-blowing and I'm glad that I am loved by God and I know, I will always be loved by Him no matter what. To add the joy, He loves you too :)

Muay Thai : Badan rontok tapi NAGIH.

Berawal dari tweet seorang teman yang kebetulan mention soal Muay Thai berakhirlah gw hari sabtu kemarin di Center Base Muay Thai di kawasan HOS Cokroaminoto, Menteng, Jakarta.

Sebenernya udah dari dua tahun lalu gw kepikiran buat nyoba ikutan Muay Thai, cuma ngga pernah dieksekusi sampai hari Sabtu kemarin. Mulanya sih gara-gara pas ke Phuket, gw kenalan sama keponakan temen gw disana yang ternyata adalah (mantan) atlet Muay Thai sebelum beralih profesi jadi tour guide ngebantuin temen gw yang emang punya usaha travel kecil-kecilan disana. Doski -jiailahh...lawas bangettt sebutannya- emang badannya kecil bok' tapi ototnya jadi benerrrr...sixpacks pulaaa...dan pas ngobrol-ngobrol, ternyata emang dia mantan atlet Muay Thai, pantesssss aja body-nya bikin ngap-ngapan kalo diliat. Ngobrol-ngobrol lebih lanjut, dia cerita, waktu jadi atlet, tiap hari porsi latihannya itu lari 4 km bolak-balik (total jadi 8 km) tiap subuh dan tiap sore dan latihan gebuk-gebukan di antaranya. TAKJUB! dan itu udah dia lakuin sejak umur 9 tahun.

Sementara gw, jalan cepet muterin GBK 5 kali aja udah berasa mau pingsan (catet: lingkar / athletic track GBK itu sekitar 920 m).

Karena rasa penasaran gw yang emang suka diluar kewajaran, abis ketemu si mantan atlet ini, gw tetiba ingin mencicipi rasanya Muay Thai (agak rancu sebenernya ingin mencicipi Muay Thai-nya atau "mencicipi" atlet Muay Thai-nya --yak, abaikan pernyataan barusan-- XD). Cuma agak sedikit ragu karena olahraga ini kan termasuk olahraga yang cukup keras di mata seorang wanita berparas lembut macam gw ini (yeah RIGHT!). Lagipula, ngga ada temen cewek gw yang rela diajakin ngikut ginian. Alhasil, waktu berlalu dan gw pun lupa akan obsesi ini.

Sebelumnya, gw pernah juga nyoba ngikut Aikido di dojo salah satu temen kantor gw (yang kebetulan ngajar juga, jadi klo ada yang minat sama Aikido dan pengen tau bisa leave comment, nanti gw kasih tau dimana dojonya). Aikido itu gerakannya mirip sama nari, semuanya harus selaras. Prinsip Aikido adalah menyerang dengan memanfaatkan kekuatan lawan, jadi kalau menurut gw, Aikido bukan tipe beladiri yang agresif tapi lebih ke arah bertahan. Tapi meskipun kesan gerakannya luwes macam menari, jangan salah, Aikido itu bisa bikin badan pegel-pegel karena dibanting-banting dan sendi ngilu-ngilu karena diplintir-plintir. Tapi tenang aja, karena pas latihan, kita juga diajarin cara jatuh yang benar supaya ngga cedera. 

LAH, ini ngapa jadi bahas Aikido sik....*mulai ngelantur*

Okay, balik lagi ke Muay Thai. 

Karena daya tangkap gw yang kadang suka terlampau sederhana (alias lemot) maka gw suka kesulitan memahami gerakan Aikido yang semuanya harus selaras. Setelah berhasil membuat sensei dan sparring partner gw frustasi karena gw ngga nangkep-nangkep gerakannya akhirnya gw memutuskan bahwa kayaknya gw ngga jodoh sama Aikido.

Dan beberapa hari lalu, di saat emang situasi hati lagi galau dan kondisi lagi cukup stressful buat gw, melintaslah sebuah tweet temen gw yang bilang bahwa dia berencana mau Muay Thai. Satu kebiasaan gw kalo lagi ngerasa stress adalah gw butuh melakukan sesuatu untuk menyalurkan energi negatif itu (antara tidur atau melakukan sesuatu yang impulsif) dan gw memutuskan untuk langsung bertanya sama temen gw tentang Muay Thai yang ternyata gayung bersambut. Setelah tukeran nomor kontak dan janjian, jadilah hari Sabtu kemarin gw dan Lina, temen twitter gw itu, melipir ke Center Base Muay Thai. 

Sempet sih agak ngerasa deg-degan apalagi ade gw yang pernah ngikut latihan sempet bilang kalau latihannya NERAKA BANGET. Namun, demi melewati Neraka Hati (tsaaaah) gw nekat ajalah...BRING IT ON! gw mau tau seberapa dashyat sih Muay Thai itu...(catet: BELAGU biasanya berakhir sengsara...*ugh*)

Latihan diawali dengan pemanasan, awalnya gw bingung disuruh ngapain, untungnya ada Lina yang udah pernah latihan sebelumnya, jadi dia yang ngasih tau gw harus ngapain aja. 

Pemanasan diawali dengan skipping selama 10 menit. 

SKIPPING. ah, gampil. 

10 Menit kemudian : nafas mulai satu-satu, kaos udah basah ga keruan.

Setelah itu, kita disuruh latihan kicking sama pelatihnya. 30 kanan, 20 kiri, 30 depan belakang gantian kaki kiri - kanan dan 20 ke atas gantian kaki kiri - kanan juga. 

Kelar kicking langsung disuruh pasang kuda-kuda, kaki dibuka agak lebar, badan diturunkan dan latihan mukul dengan catatan, tenaga yang dipakai adalah dari pinggang dan bahu, bukan dari tangan sebanyak 40 kali (bergantian kiri - kanan). Abis itu lanjut dengan pose kedua kepalan tangan saling berhadapan di dada dan kedua siku sejajar, masih dengan dengan pose kaki agak lebar dan badan diturunkan. Lalu, dengan berpusat pada pinggang tanpa menggerakkan kepala, kita disuruh berputar ke kanan dan ke kiri sebanyak 40 kali. 

Awalnya mikir, ih, gampil ah pemanasannya. Kan tiap hari juga udah olahraga di gym (antara treadmill atau berenang) pasti ga akan secapek itu.

TAPI KEMUDIAN...mamak, aku sesak nafas.

Udahan? BELOM! Kita masih disuruh 20 kali sit-up. Begitu kelar cuman bisa ngedeprok manja di matras sambil ngos-ngosan dan minum kayak onta. 

Nah baru deh udahannya, latihan dimulai.

Perlengkapan yang kudu disiapin sebelum Muay Thai adalah: Handwraps. Dimana fungsinya adalah sesuai dengan namanya yaitu buat membalut tangan kita sebelum pakai glove supaya ngga lecet-lecet dan ngga cidera. Kalo emang niat ikutan Muay Thai, handwraps kudu banget punya, harganya sekitar 100rb-an dan bisa didapetin di tempat latihannya. 

Sementara kalo glove biasanya bisa minjem di tempat latihan. Nah, hari itu, gw dipinjemin handwraps sama Lina (seriusan, gw sempet ngga enak krn baru pertama kali ketemuan udah nyusahin...udah dijemput dan buta jalan, dipinjemin handwraps pula...ihik!).

Begitu latihan, kita disuruh ngegebukin dan nendangin pad yang dipake sama pelatihnya. Awal-awalnya masih semangat. Lama-kelamaan, capekkkk jugaaaa. Dan pelatihnya itu....SELALU ngasih komentar yang nyolot-nyolot supaya kita makin kesel dan makin napsu nge-gebuknya. 

Berhubung yang latihan ngga cuma kita doang dan saat itu cuma ada dua orang pelatih yang in-charge. Alhasil kita harus nunggu giliran. Tapi tenang aja kok selama nunggu, kita ngga dibiarin nganggur. Disuruh angkat barbel-lah, disuruh sit-up kebalik lah...pokoknya adaaaaa aja yang disuruh sampe giliran kita tiba. Intinya, badan kita ngga dibiarin cooling down dan pas giliran kita, saking capeknya badan, rasanya otak udah sampe ga bisa mikir lagi selain mukul dan nendang si pelatih yang sumpah NYOLOT. 

Pas break gw maenan BB disepak aja dong sama pelatihnya, gw cengengesan aja disepak, pokoknya begitu diliat nganggur dan ga serius, abis deh gw disepak dan dikeplak pake pad-nya. SUMPAH NGESELIN DAN NAPSUIN ABIS, tapi emang rasanya kudu digituin sih, biar pas giliran gw, gw napsu nge-gebukin pelatihnya dan it worked!

Begitu kelar keringet gw kayak orang diguyur aer berember-ember sampe si pelatih gw bilang, "Mbak, lain kali pipis jangan di matras ya..." (yang pengen banget gw jawab: "Oke Mas, lain kali saya pipis di tiang listrik depan!!") saking deresnya keringet gw netes di matras . Setelah stretching dibantu sama pelatihnya buat ngelemesin otot, gw mandi dan siap-siap bareng Lina buat nonton bareng abis latihan. Sekitar sejam-an setelah latihan, badan belom berasa begitu pegel. Tapi begitu di dalem bioskop dan di tengah-tengah nonton baru deh berasa...ANJRIT! ini kok mulai berasa pegel-pegelnya.

DAN SEHARI SEUDAHNYA...tangan dan betis gw memar-memar. Jalan juga kayaknya nyiksa banget. Semua otot tubuh berasa kenceng dan tegang. Tapi meski demikian, gw tetep aja pengen balik lagi. It's painful, but it's the kind of pain that feels so good (ya emang masochist aja sih kayaknya gw X)). Gw ga gitu perduli sih sama side-effect'nya yang katanya bisa buat loss weight-lah (karena emang bakar kalorinya gila banget) soalnya, gw nagih sama latihannya yang meski bikin badan remuk redam tapi nikmat *halah* - mungkin karena intens dan bener-bener ngabisin tenaga, pikiran ngga sempet melayang kemana-mana jadi semua energi negatif yang menyusahkan itu tersalurkan sudah. Sedikitnya, bisa membuat hati terasa agak lega...selain juga, gw cucok banget kayaknya sama Muay Thai, soalnya gerakannya ga ribet! :))))  

Pas make handwraps berasa gaya banget, macam Chun-Li salah satu tokoh di Street Fighter. Hanya aja gw lupa kalo Chun-Li itu alirannya Chinese Kempo sementara di Street Fighter yang alirannya Muay Thai adalah...Sagat *ngok* *gagal pamer*

So, buat yang pengen nyoba Muay Thai, pastiin deh fisik dalam kondisi oke sebelum latihan, usahain sih jangan makan sebelum latihan atau kalaupun mau makan se'engganya 2 jam sebelum latihan deh maksimal, soalnya kalo ngga kuat bisa-bisa lo muntah ngikutin latihannya. Plus, jangan lupa minum di sela-sela break. Akhir kata, selamat mencoba dan nikmati sensasinyaaaaa! *menggelinjang orgasmic*

One Life At A Time.

CHANGING THE WORLD.

Seems like a crazy idea but it’s not IMPOSSIBLE J

I just finised a book called Kisses From Katie, it’s about a work of Katie Davis (a -now- 23 years old girl) who established Amazima Ministry in Uganda to empower the people of Uganda. Katie started the ministry when she was still 19, she fell in love with Uganda when she went there for a mission work with her Mom in 2006 before finally decided to return there and made a lifetime commitment to Uganda.

Katie was so overwhelmed by the poor condition of the people and how the children suffer from malnutrition and lack of educaion. She often felt as if what she’s done is like trying to empty the ocean with a teardrop...yet what made her keep on going is, the fact that she learned from the Bible. Jesus didn’t heal everyone, but He stopped for one person and made a difference in that one person’s life. That’s how she learned to love, one person at a time. Katie couldn’t help everyone in Uganda, but she could help one person in front of her. 

From her compassion to one person it then led to another then to another then to another. Now, she has 13 officially adopted daughters from Uganda and Amazima ministry has been changing the live of one community in Uganda. From loving one children, now Katie has been able to send more that 200 Ugandan children to school, teaching the women to make necklaces from beads to be sold in America to help them earn some income for their family and recently, Amazima has developed a farm program to help the local people. 

I believe that what she's going through during these years were not easy but, she kept on going to love one person at a time and God trusted her more and He's working on the part she couldn't do herself. 

Austin Gutwein was 9 years old when he decided to start a movement called Hoops for Hope in 2004. What moved Austin was his concern for the children who had lost their parents to AIDS. He wanted to help then he decided to shoot free throws on World AIDS Day in 2004, he shot 2057 free throws to represent the 2057 kids who would be orphaned during his day at school and with the support from friends and family, he was able to raised almost $3000 and the money was used to provide hope to 8 orphan children.

Over the past nine years, his effort has turned into the largest free throw marathon in the world with an estimated 40.000 people in more than 25 countries participating in Hoops for Hope and able to raised more than $3 million. The funds would then be used for the construction of the only high school in a rural region in Southern Zambia, four dormitories, two medical clinics, two computer laboratories, feeding programs, multiple water projects as well as the funding of a dormitory at an orphanage in Kenya and a school in India.

He started by loving a girl named Maggie, whom he saw from the a video about AIDS oprhan. His heart was moved with compassion and he acted on it. 

A friend of mine, a woman with two kids and one grandson, a wife of an amazing man and a daughter of a passionate father that I know whom everyone called as Mommy Inge, she's been taking care of homeless people. She couldn't help every homeless but she would love one person at a time. Now, she's living with people she's taken care from the street, giving them love, family and even a work to do. She's a woman with a great big compassionate heart. It's not always easy to love people, but from her, I learned that...if you keep on loving people even though they have hurt you, in the end it's not just changing their lives but also change your life. your heart is filled with greater love and their lives are changed because of the love you're giving them. 

I've seen people changing history in their lives. Not just Katie Davis, not just Austin Gutwein, not just Mommy Inge...but us, everyday people, who are willing to stop and love one person at a time. That's why I said, changing the world is not impossible if we continue to love and remember to love, love will change people's life.

I've met awesome people across Twitter every single day. People who are willing to stop and love one person at a time. I've read the story of Veronica Colondam, founder of YCAB, the story of Valencia, founder of Blood for Life and Three Little Angels movement, the story of Nila Tanzil and her Taman Bacaan Pelangi and the story many more who are willing to stop and love one person at a time then another then another then another until they are changing the lives of many people. 

I have a dream since I was young (well, I still am young now :p) that I want to make the world a better place. I want to be someone who are impacting the world, changing the world. It was sure hard to do. It's hard to change the world. But then, I learned to narrow down the scope. I stop trying to change the world, but start to change one life at a time. It's a joy when you know that your love is changing someone's life. It's a joy when you know that you can do something to help someone improving his/her life. And it will surprise you that the more you give out love, you can never be lack of love. 

Sure things are not always easy, dealing with people is not always easy but surely, loving people is never a vain thing to do. Loving people is not to let them take you for granted, but loving people is to build their lives to be better, is to encourage them and empower them to live a better life. 

Not everyone has to move to Uganda like Katie, not everyone has to start a movement like Austin, not everyone has to take care of the homeless at their house like Mommy Inge, not everyone has to establish a foundation like Veronica, not everyone has to be a blood donation ambassador like Valencia and certainly not everyone has to make a librarly for children like Nila Tanzil...because you and me, we all have our own parts to do in this life. You just need to find your part. It might in your office, it might be in your family, it might be in your school, it might be around your house, it might be your neighbours but it might also be the people from other countries. Your part, might be to become an enterpreneur, teacher, employee, speaker, doctor, psychologist, politicians and so on. Find your part and be a problem solver where you are.

Recently, I have committed myself to sponsor the education of two children through World Vision Indonesia. I cannot sponsor every child in Indonesia, but I at least I can change the lives of two children and hopefully in the future they will also change the lives of other people. It's kinda like "pay it forward" :) - my late aunt was also a child sponsor through World Vision Indonesia, when she passed away, my parents took over her legacy and be the sponsor of her child. Just two days ago, I got the news from World Vision Indonesia that the child is now working in one of the government beaureau and he wished to meet my parents to thank them for giving him the sponsor so he can finish his education. How wonderful it is to know that you are helping to improve someone's life. 

There are many ways for us to love and to care for other people. Find your own way to care and remember to always stop and love one person at a time. From the simplest act of opening the door for the elderly, to helping strangers or simply smile at a weary soul, you have taken a part in changing someone's life and the world.

WebRep

currentVote

noRating

noWeight