Speaking About Marriage.

The fairy tales of a beautiful princess meet a prince charming and then live happily ever after has somehow created this Princess Syndrome. The Syndrome where little girls are dreaming about being a princess, wishing for a prince charming to marry them in a wonderful wedding with white puffy gown, flowers and happy faces then live happily ever after.

Of course it seems nice to have such a life like in the fairy tale only, that’s not how reality works.

As a little girl, growing up with Disney’s Princesses and the story of the quest of finding your soul mate somewhere, somehow, I grew up with the mindset that one day I want to meet my soul mate to then marry him at a young age, have beautiful kids and a happy family.

As I grow older, that mindset has completely changed.

Time has brought me to experience a lot of thing, meet a lot of people and listen to a lot of stories and in the end, it brought me to a conclusion that marriage is indeed beautiful but also as tough as it can be. Marriage is not just a union of two people but more than that, marriage requires a strong commitment more than feelings.

I have met people with broken marriage and I have seen how hard it is to keep a marriage from my parents. A broken marriage will produce broken family and a broken family will produce broken children. It’s like a circle that goes around and round and round.

It requires a lot of responsibility to make a decision to marry someone and build a family. We are responsible not just for our own happiness but also for the happiness of our spouse and in the future, the happiness of our children.

I am not Dr. Phil or some kind of marriage expert, what I put here, just merely my personal opinion based on what I see and what I hear. For me, to get yourself into a marriage is never an easy thing to do, many people caught up in the idea of having the wedding without any clue on how to live in a real marriage and when the tide is high, it's hardly survive.

It's very surprising to see how people are very easy to get a divorce nowadays, as if nothing is ever worth fighting for in their marriages. It's easy for people to walk away when things are getting so tough. Where is the LOVE that they put as a reason to get married in the first place? -- people fancy the idea of getting married because of LOVE and because of the DESIRE to be with the one they love, forgetting that time will put them into a test, not a test to love, but a test to a commitment. Feelings can change, sometimes it's affected by what our spouse do to us but commitment, is more than just feelings. Commitment is what make a marriage last despite of the feelings. You are committed to your partner for life. You are committed to give your best even when he/she doesn't. You are committed to be with him/her through the happy and sad times. You are committed to love him/her even in times when you feel as if he/her is being undeserving. Commitment is what you have with your spouse the moment you enter marriage. I think that's why they call it wedding vows, because a vow is a promise you make and to keep a promise, you need to have a commitment. Commitment not just to the promise itself but also to the person you're giving your promise to.

I have met people who are having an affair in their office, man and woman who have already married but then having an affair with a colleague simply because they feel that their colleague is more understanding than their spouse. I have met men with power and wealth cheating on their wives with younger women, without their wives even knowing. I have met men with their charm, flirting for one woman to another. I have also met women who do exactly the same thing. I have met women who are left with children by their husband, women who are abused by their husband. I have met children whose family are broken, children who are hurting because of the divorce of their parents. I have seen how the commitment of a marriage, the vow and the promise that one should honor is broken just like that. While I believe that when they first marry their spouse, LOVE was more likely the reason but then again, as time goes by, their feelings change and they just simply forget the commitment they've made. 

One thing you need to know before you enter a marriage is open your eyes widely and see you future partner really well. Make sure that you ask a lot of questions during your relationship, know him/her well. Pay attention on how he/she treats his/her family, friends and other people, on how he/she reacts when facing a problem or a conflict and on how he/she makes a decision over something. Know his/her friends because you can tell a lot about someone from whom he/she is hanging around with :) - When you're in love it would be easy to see all the good in the person you love and it would be very easy for you to simply compromise with the things that he/she might do even when you know it's not OK, they say love is blind, somewhat true, but however, don't stay blind :) - ask the people whom you know are accountable for you to watch over your relationship, to give you advice and input and to help you to see the "things" that you might not see during your relationship. That might be a HUGE help for you :)

I had a chance talking with a few married male friends (whom I know are quite accountable and trustable) and they gave me some valuable insights, when you are in a marriage, you need to know that both of you should grow together. You cannot stop growing when your husband or your wife is growing in life. You need to keep up with your spouse. Ladies, as a wife, from the point of view of these male friends of mine, you need to always look good for your husband or at least try to put an effort, because for them it's your way of honoring them, guys love when their wives taking care of themselves. Men would also appreciate women who would at least try to understand the things that they love to do. Understanding and support are basically what men need from his wives. 

And men, speaking from a woman's point of view. We need you to make us know that you love us. YES. That's very important for us. We know that you might have done things to make us happy and so on, but...nothing beats the feeling when you show your affection to us in public, letting everyone know that you love us. We love men who know what they want and know how to lead their family. We need to feel protected and safe. We need you to be a reliable man, not just for us but also for our children. 

From that we see that marriage it's a both ways commitment :) - from the men's side and the women's side. It takes a lot of work to have a successful marriage.

For me, getting married is not easy and if you're not ready for the commitment (not just mere love) you'd better think twice to get married. It's better to be single than to be in a wrong relationship or worse to be in a breaking marriage. And once you have decided to get married, make sure that you are committed to the end. 

Fear of The Unknown (part 1).

I think everyone would agree with me that the unknown would somehow give us a certain fear and unfortunately our future is part of the unknown.

Well, who knows about the future?  Even the best fortune teller couldn’t tell his/her own future.

I was sitting and talking with a friend during lunch time today. My friend told me a story about the colleagues in her previous company. They were paid so low and were not treated good. They wanted to get out from the company but then they didn’t because they were too afraid, WHAT IF they made the wrong decision, WHAT IF the new company is worse and they couldn’t get out because they had family to take care of, WHAT IF..., WHAT IF... and WHAT IF... – the point is, they were afraid of making decision because they were afraid of the unknown future and they were not going anywhere because of that.

Aren’t we familiar of the situation? We're afraid of making decisions because we're afraid of the unknown.

My friend and I, both of us are in the same condition where we are so tired of everything and wondering if we should hold on or simply let go. Sounds like a simple choice right? Yet, making a decision is not as easy as flipping a coin, it never is.

 
For an example, I have just turned down a good opportunity. I know if some people know about it, they would kill me and told me that I was stupid for making that decision. But anyhow, the decision was made and that’s it. Of course there were those “What-If” questions. What if I was making the wrong decision, what if it was my key to get away from my current situation, what if it was worse than my current situation, what if I was crazy for turning down such a good opportunity and need to see a psychiatrist (okay the last one was a bit too much :D).


However, the reason of why I turned down that opportunity was because I didn't feel the peace and somehow I just felt it didn't feel right. Okay, you might say that I'm not a psychic and that it might be just a feeling, TRUE, it might be just a feeling but...somehow, I trust my gut and it hasn't let me down so far (and hopefully it's not going to this time :D). 

I talked to some people before I made the decision. I talked to my parents, talk to my best friends, talk to God and talk to myself (yeap, you really need to know what do you really want before making a decision). I got different views from everyone, somewhat hoping that they would make the decision for me -- which is not going to happen since it's my life and my decision. I also wished that God would speak in an audible voice, telling me which decision to make -- and again, sometimes it doesn't work that way and that easy :D. So it was indeed a depressing moment. I had no clue about anything in the future or what kind of thing should i expect from each decision.


And what did I do?


I asked myself, was it really the thing that I really want, what were the considerations of each decision and what did my heart tell me? -- then, I made the decision and once I made it, I promised myself not to regret anything and prepared myself for the coming future of the decision and I made sure that I didn't make the decision based on my certain fear of something unknown but rather to a realistic consideration and my priority. 


Eliminating the element of fear of the unknown will help us to decide better, of course there is anticipation but, if we know what we really want and follow our heart, I believe we will be able to make the best decision...the anticipation is just another element that will help you to deal with the possible consequences of our decision. Don't give up before you even try something, if you think that it's worth it then go ahead and make the decision, don't fear the unknown because there will be something to learn in each decision we make :) 


Consider the WHAT-IFs but don't let it stop you from moving forward. Know what you really want and follow your heart and passion, that will lead you somewhere for sure. So embrace the unknown and have a great adventure ;)

Beautiful Savior.

a wonderful worship song for my dearest beautiful saviour, Jesus. that's Him for me. for a lifetime and forever.

Decision..Decision and Decision.

Sometimes, the thing that I hate the most in life is having to make decision about something, someone or anything - especially when I don't have any clue what lies ahead. 

JUST LIKE NOW.

Tomorrow, I have to decide for something that might change the course of my life. Something that I guess I don't know if that's really the thing that I'm looking for or what. However, there is something that make me feel so unsure. 

I've been praying about it since the beginning and I've never really feel at peace. I know that it will come to this day where I have to decide and I thought at first, this is what I really want, the answer to my prayers. But then, I still feel unsure. I can't really elaborate what is it that make me feel that way, it's just there. 

I think through each situation one by one. Does it really worth it? Is it really what I want? - I have been talking to several people today including mom and dad, best friends and even colleagues...yet I still feel clueless and unsure. I have also prayed and I wish God would just audibly tell me what to do: TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT? TELL ME! - but sometimes, it doesn't work that way. I know it for sure :)

Honesty seems like the best answer right now and I guess I would need to be honest to myself first with a hope that I might finally reach the decision. To realize what is actually matter for me, I guess, is another thing that would help me make my decision. Well, I do hope so.

Passion To Die For.

"If You've Got Nothing Worth Dying For, You've Got Nothing Worth Living For" 

-Marthin Luther-

I was on a job interview one day when the interviewer asked me about one question:

"What your passion really is ?"

It was a 3 minutes pause before I could manage to answer it. By far, it was the hardest question ever asked to me during a job interview. Simple question, Hard to answer (at least for me). 

It got me thinking about my life. Well, I have been working in this company for 5 years and the only things that have made me happy so far are the friends and the monthly salary, not because it's great in number but because hey, at least I can sustain my life with my own money. Yes, I am working there only for the salary and just for the sake of it and at some point, it's getting so boring and I'm dying inside because honestly, I don't even like the job at all. I mean it's not like I hate it, I just find that it's nothing that I'm interested into and nothing that I'm enjoying doing it. 

Probably, you are wondering, then why would I stay there that long? Mainly because I am afraid of making my move. I am afraid that if I pursue my passion, the thing that I really love to do I would disappoint my parents because it's nothing they would ever expect me to do. There are a lot of things that have become my consideration in making the move. In the end, everything is piling up and I have nearly come to a self-destructing mode, thank you to my dear friends who always keep me sane and alive :)

I love to encourage people to pursue their dreams because I believe it will give you a self contentment, something that I'm still struggling to reach until now. I love to help people in achieving their dreams because I just don't want them to get stuck where they are like what happened to my own life. I wish everyone to be brave in making their dreams come true while I'm struggling to challenge myself to learn to be brave as well. 

This year, my goal is to break free from my comfort zone. To re-light my passion and seriously trying to pursue it and make my dreams come true. I know this is going to be a tough journey that would be filled with tears and endless efforts, yet I know that it's going to be a rewarding one. I always admire those who have the guts to break free and pursue their passion, because I know how scary that can be yet how wonderful it would be. 

Passion is something that you love to do, something that will make you happy doing it and for sure something that you know you're good at. Passion is God's guidance to let you know, why are you here on earth. Don't follow success, don't follow money, follow your passion then success will follow, money will follow and even people will follow you. 

If you're currently struggling in living your passion, you're not alone, I'm with you and so does many other human beings. We're all feel scared sometimes, but we shouldn't let the fear stand it the way.

Easier said than done right? - I know :p

However, live your life to the fullest, because it's simply a gift for you. Don't waste your regretting the things that you don't do but make every time meaningful. Follow your passion and you'll see that life will be more than just ordinary ;) - and one more thing, find people who would encourage you to pursue your passion, those who believe in your dreams and will walk with you along the way because they know you would make it :)

Just Do It Anyway.

I wasn't thinking about NIKE when I wrote the title of this post, seriously. I just realised it when I looked at it just now. That particular brand does have a catchy tagline :)

I just want to share a beautiful quote from Mother Teresa that I read somewhere on the internet. It's about doing what is right in the best way that you can. What is right doesn't always come in a good package but in the end it would be very rewarding. 

Some people that know me used to say that I shouldn't be too kind because sometimes people would take an advantage of the kindness. Well, I have to admit that some people did that already, but in a way, I don't think I have to stop doing good just because I am afraid that people might take an advantage of me. Once I know that some people were just taking an advantage of me, I would just stop giving them what they want, they need to learn and they have taught me to do better next time. 

When you help people, there would be two kinds of people. One, the ones who will be grateful for your help and then try to stand on their own feet and Two, the ones who will depend themselves on you and be demanding. To be honest to the core, the second one is the most irritating people of all. I like a phrase that said, "if you want to really help people, teach them how to fish instead of always giving them the fish." Yes, there's nothing wrong in helping people but one thing we need to know is, we need to help people to stand on their feet so they might be able to help themselves when we're no longer around because we might not be able to always be there for them, besides it will teach them how to handle their own problems without always having to be depended on other people. It's a waste for sure, to help people who doesn't even want to help themselves because they wouldn't fight their own battle and that would be very exhausting for us if we continue to try to fight for them. They need to learn on how to survive on their own.

So, if you have a chance to do good and do the right thing, just do it. It would not always be easy but hey, you will reap what you sow because I believe that there won't be any kindness that goes unnoticed ;)

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
-Mother Teresa-

The Lorax.

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."

I just watched The Lorax two days ago and I think it's one of the best movies for children. It taught children to care about the earth in a very easy to understand way yet totally hitting the right point. Simply the best campaign.

It is so easy to take for granted the things that we already have without having to make any effort. Such as, the earth. When we were born in this world, we already have access to the resources of this earth without having to make any effort. For example, the air that we breathe, it's for free and accessible for us anytime and anywhere :) - but having all those resources stored for us, somehow has made us taking everything for granted. We tend to think that all of the resources would always be there for us when we need them and then forget that we need to preserve them and maintain them because the truth is they would not always be there. 

Our greed has somehow blind us from seeing the fact that the Earth needs to be nurtured and taken care of. We take her love for granted. We destroy her with our own hand even after all the things she has given us. We did that throughout the generation in history and apparently mother Earth is getting tired of everything that she then screamed for help in form of natural disasters which sometimes don't happen because of the natural cause but as the effect of human intervention in the balance of nature. 

A very eye opening campaign was held recently called Save Sharks campaign. It's a campaign to preserve the existence of Sharks. Sharks are often blamed as the enemy of human beings, the antagonist, the bad guy when in fact, we are more of a threat to them than them to us. In certain places, people consume shark's fin for their food, but little that they know or aware than the process of getting the fins are a very barbaric process for the sharks and also little that they know, that if the sharks become extinct the whole ecosystem of the sea would be imbalance. 

Nature has it's own rules and it's own way to keep the balance. We know that there is a system called the food chain and each part of the food chain has the power to control the population. We do need to be aware that everything is in the right proportion and by destroying it, we're destroying our own future. Remember, that we are part of a big chain reaction that everything that we do will have a ripple of effects, bad or good. So, if you still wish to see the future for your next generation, you should start to care, you should take part in building it for them. 


Never think that to save the earth you would need to have a BIG project first, well, by simply throwing your trash into the garbage bin would already be helpful in keeping the environment clean and healthy. Other thing that you could do is mind the use of water, don't waste it, use it only when you need it. Those are just some examples on the little things you can do to make a contribution to save the earth and if you care enough, you will find many other ways :)

"Its not about what it is, Its about what it can become."

The words above is another catchy phrase from The Lorax. The Once-ler said this to Ted when he gave him the last seed of the Thneed tree. Watching this scene, I remember something that my pastor used to say, "when you're holding a seed, you are actually holding a tree because a seed carries a potential to be a tree. that is why you can never look down on other people because you don't know what kind of potential does he/she have within him/her. you might never know if you're sitting next to a future president of this country or a successful businessman."


Yes, it is not about what it is, it is about what it can become. Each of us has a great potential buried somewhere deep within us waiting to be discovered, none of us were made for nothing, we all have a role to play and a part to fit in this world. Thus, never look down on people and most importantly, never look down on yourself. You will never know what kind of potential lies within you if you never give it a try and you will never know what someone can be unless you give him/her a chance to grow and explore his/her potential.


When you're on your way to reach your dreams and you feel like giving up because it feels so hard, DON'T. Remember that the trees were once seeds, the seeds struggling through seasons, they didn't give up and they finally made it as trees. Keep hoping, keep believing and keep moving. Be brave to dream and be courageous to make it come true ;)

Insecurity : The False Truth.

“the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare ur behind-the-scenes with everyone’s highlights reel.” – S. Furt

Insecurity is the state of being insecure with our own skin, mostly, because we start to compare ourselves to other people. I get insecure whenever I compare myself to other people whom I thought of as wealthier, prettier, smarter than me and when I get insecure, I get paralyzed. I start complaining and whining about why this and why that. I get jealous to other people's life and I start imagining what is it like to live other people's life. Thinking that other people is having more beautiful life than mine...and letting my life just pass me by. 

Insecurity is the deception that will definitely kill your talents and the great person you can become by being you. Insecurity is the constant false truth that will always whisper to your ears that you can't make it, you can't do it and other YOU CAN'Ts. Insecurity is when you let the external factors invading your internal being and destroying your true image. 

Everyone has their own struggles and their own life, we can't just generalize things by looking only to one factor without even bother to look what's happening behind the scene. We might get jealous of one person but if we dare to look beyond the source of our jealousy probably we won't be jealous anymore. We can't just jump into one conclusion without considering the other factors. That would be unfair wouldn't it. 

With that kind of perspective, hopefully we would have an open mind, a willingness to see what's really going and then, may it lead us to an understanding that, all of us come from the same point in life. A NOTHING POINT. BLANK. just like a white paper. Then life begins to roll and each of us experiencing things that will end up shaping us the way we are. But, you know why people are easily get intimidated, easily get insecure? because whether you realize it or not, there's some kind of scheme in this universe where everything and everyone at some point will try to bring you down and hinder you from your destiny and passion. WHY? because if only we realize what kind of potential we do have within us, we can change the course of the universe. 

Well, maybe this sounds a bit like a science fiction scheme, but along the history we have seen that those who made history were not always having a happy go lucky life, mostly have a very difficult life, the only thing that differs them is their determination not to give up easily on the hard stuffs. They all struggle with insecurities, but they fought back and they kept on going and changing the course of history. They didn't let any kind of intimidation and negative thoughts affecting their lives. 

The thing is, we often focus on the result more that the process that they needed to go through in order to get the result. Especially in nowadays generation where everyone want everything in an instant as if everything should happen in just a snap of finger, people tend to see only the RESULT without even bother to pay attention to the process while the process is the most important part to GET the result and KEEP the result.

It is easy for us to get insecure when we compare ourselves to everything and everyone around us, but if we dare to look beyond what we can see we might find something that each and every one of us has our own portion of struggles and our own journey in LIFE. we can't expect to be like Jennifer Lopez, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt or David Beckham...WHY? because each of them has their own way in life and they also have their own struggles in life. We can't be Angelina Jolie as much as Angelina Jolie can't be us.

Whenever we get insecure and discourage just remember one thing, stop looking on what's in the outside and around you but look within you. Each of us has a pure soul inside, each of us has a hidden potential inside that's waiting to be unleashed, just keep on searching deep within and we shall see that once we have found who we really are and what we are meant to be, we will be at peace with ourselves and screw other people! you don't need them as a comparison but you need them as partners to walk with you in the journey of life. 

Make sure you remember this: you are special, you are loved, you are precious and you are never alone :)