Happy New Year 2012!
So, this is the first day of 2012. It falls on Sunday and my twitter timeline is flooded with the #firstservice2012 hastags :)
Anyway, 2011 has been a quite hard year for me, lots of issue with relationships that is so exhausting and energy draining. In the end of the year, I got the chance for a week escapade to Singapore. Honestly, I never quite love the city. Everyone seems like in a rush all the time and it's hard to feel a heart warming kindness there. However, I adore how everything is so organized and how public transport is so easy, clean and also convenient :) A week of escapade really helps me not to think about everything that has been weighing my heart for the past year. It's always nice to travel somewhere where no one knows you and just enjoy the moment. Not that relaxing there but surely filled with many wonderful things including new experiences which bring a lot of excitement.
I got back on the 29th of December, just 3 days before new year. I had a night flight and arrived at home almost midnight. I spent the next day sleeping and resting because my feet hurt like hell from too much walking (gosh, i start to feel OLD!). The last 3 days before new year were awesome. I got so many encouragement including one that I got earlier this morning.
I have been thinking a lot about the relationships that I have and I have made my decision to cut the relationship with the toxic people and those who are no longer align with me. This is necessary because I think I have been letting a lot of people come too close that they are able to hurt me bad. Thus, I'm reviewing and rethinking all the relationships that I have. It's good to have many friends, but it's better to have several close ones who will support you and encourage you to be the person you're meant to be. Those who won't do any sugar coating talk with you, those who are honest and fair and those who will stand with you through thick and thin. It is easy to find people to laugh with but it's never easy to find people to cry with. People can be deceiving, so never trust a good face but trust a good heart.
As I have said in my previous post, I have been severely hurt by someone and it's not only breaking my heart but also ripping me off my confidence. People might say that I'm reacting too much, but then again, they're not in my shoes so I don't give a damn about whatever they might say behind my back. I'm glad that I have some best friends who are willing to walk with me through it all. Encouraging me, supporting me and even stand for me when I can't even stand for myself. I am so thankful for them - in times like this, you really get to know whom you can really call as your true friends :')
During my reflection moment, I got several encouragements from various random sources that spoke of the same thing.
1. Forgiveness
there's a saying that said : "forgiveness is the attribute for the strong." i think this is so right because to forgive someone means you're letting go your rights to take revenge on whatever they've done to you. it's not easy and seriously, if you can do it, it's grace and i really mean it. I'm still struggling on this particular area until today. I haven't been much of a grudge holder, I usually shake things off easily or just simply ignore the irritating things but seriously, with that particular someone (that I have mentioned before) it is so hard to forgive, partly maybe because i used to love him. yeah, the worst pain is one caused by the one you love. and my daily devotion on 31st of December just a day before the new year, talked about this verse '...forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another...' Colossians 3:13 NIV and about the necessity of starting the new year right by letting go and forgive. LOL! for me, that's clearly a slap in the face :D
2. Healing
The next thing that I got is this post my a friend of mine on my Blackberry Group:
"I feel like the Lord gave me a word for somebody, "Your broken, lonely, sad heart will be healed!! SOMEONE good is coming into your life!!! Don't give up!!" - Pastor Mark Leonard. The post was actually posted on the 29th but I just read it on the 31st. I cried reading the post because at that time, I really felt exactly like what it said and somehow I could feel as if God is hugging me. I know God knows what I've felt all along and the message of healing came right on time. It really encouraged my heart. Somehow there's a good faith that all the tears will be over and I will rejoice in the healing that God will bring into my life :')
3. Better Relationship
I have been thinking of this. I finally made a decision and it's including finding people that are align with me, that will help me to become a better person so I can bless other people and also people who will challenge me spiritually. I also made a decision to limit my interaction to people whom I know will drag me down instead of helping me up. It might sound selfish but it is necessary to help me to become a better person in order to help and bless other people too. It's a chain reaction and a bad start can ruin the whole thing. Earlier this morning a post on Jaeson Ma's facebook (Jaeson Ma is a young pastor from LA) said things like this:
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