stronger than i know.

Anyone can feel the ache 

You think its more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

(what faith can do - kutless) 

when things don't go the way we want it to be, disappointment will surely come next and hurt us in a way, next...here comes the WHYs. 

i believe that there is no one in this whole world that never go through a disappointment. all of us have been there, thus we should know that everyone has been hurt in some way.

i have been hurt too, to the point that i think i could never bear it. it hurts me so bad that all that i want is everyone to understand my pain, to tell me that it really is hurt and to tell me that i don't deserve the pain. i want everyone to take notice of what i feel. and i want everyone to just LET ME HURT. 

FACT IS...i'm not the only one who's hurting in this world and the thing that hurts me is actually seems like nothing compares to the other struggles that the other people i know are going through. 

i know that when we get hurt, we want the world to just stop and leave us alone in pain, hurting and grieving but that's not how it works. the world will just keep spinning and life will keep on going, no matter how much we're hurting. 

when we're hurting, all of our senses are shaken and it's so easy for us to lose our clear mind because our feelings usually take over. it's a normal reaction, BUT we should not let that happen for a long time. a while ago, i was drowning in my pain, i pushed away my family and my friends because i was so afraid of getting hurt again. my focus was shaken. i was distant to God and everything was a mess. i spent days crying and even got ear infection because of that - so don't cry that much, losing your hearing is not a fancy thing-. i just became so lifeless. 

UNTIL i realized that...

the world is still spinning. life is still going. and even the person who has hurt me seems like living happy and alive. SO what were i doing here drowning in my pain and weeping over my hurting heart? then i made a decision to stop getting hurt and stood up.

it wasn't that easy at first, but i really need to keep going and pushing myself to the limit and not giving up life just because of what i feel. the first thing that i do is to love myself. you know when you're getting hurt somehow you will feel less of yourself. in my case, what happened to me has robbed me from the fact that i am precious and worthy. it was damaging my self image and i just couldn't love myself. that's why the first thing that i do is to forgive myself and love myself. i learn how to say NO, i learn how to stand up for myself and i learn how to really value myself. it's still going until today and i know i feel much much better now :)

the second thing that i did is to define my focus, what i want to do with my life and in my life. i started with doing the things that i love to do. i took short courses, i joined photography club, i went on photo hunting session with some friends, i started to sketch again, i started to write songs and articles again. it's so liberating to do what i love to do and it's truly helping me in sorting things out including in defining my goals in life. again, it's not that easy, i need to ask myself over and over again, what do i want to do, what kind of impact i want to give people and so on. it's also still going until today. 

the third thing that i do is to find encouraging people. people that will love you enough to correct you, to tell you the truth and to cheer you in the long run. avoiding dramas is one necessary thing to do :) - don't linger with people who will bring you down, but linger with people who build you up. 

when you're hurt, don't isolate yourself, you need people whom you can trust to pray for you, to encourage you, to help you to get healed. don't keep everything bottled up inside of you, let the people who love you knows what you're going through and ask them to help you getting through it. trust me, if it's not because of my wonderful friends who encouraged me, prayed for me and also slapped me when i started to drown in my misery, i won't be at the state where i am today. they have helped me to stand my feet again, they believed in me and they didn't give up on me :) - i thank God for them.

if you are hurt, just remember that everybody hurts. it's not the end of the world and trust me, you are stronger than you ever think you are. i thought i was not able to get through it but hey I DID! and i survived the pain :) - everything does happen a reason, sometimes you cannot understand why everything happens in the beginning but when you're at the end one day, you will understand why and you'll be grateful that things are going just the way they are - and i know i do :)

so, don't give up hope, never lose faith and never stop loving.

God bless us all.