machine gun preacher.

(his note: this blogpost might contain spoiler about the movie)

Machine Gun Preacher was a movie based on the true story of Sam Childers, a former drug addict that found by God and currently helping the children in Sudan, together with his wife, they made a foundation called Angels of East Africa. You can read about Sam Childers on wikipedia (here) and an article including what Sam thought of the movie (here) - wise if you read both because well, in Hollywood, a true story might be 10% true and the rest is dramatized :)



i can't really decided whether to like or not to like this movie, because at some point the movie moves me but at some point it's just stand against what i believe. i'm not going to go for the pros and cons about the movie but i'd rather write down something that i learned from it.


1. no matter what you have done, there will always be a second chance.


"God didn't make trash, boy. He never give up on you, so don't you give up on Him"


Sam said this to Donnie, his best friend when he saved him from his drug addiction. i don't know if you believe in God or not but there will always be a second chance for each and one of us...ONLY IF, we're willing to make the decision not to give up. 


in my personal life, God has always been the one who has never give up on me. there's nothing that i've done that is able to make him love me less. we've been a lot of things together in my life, seasons after seasons and i know for sure, God never give up on me and all along, i have been the one who's giving up on him, yet, he's stubborn to just let me go (and i'm totally glad for that). 


there is no one this world that is too bad for God to save. when you are in the situation, where you're seeking for true freedom, for forgiveness, you can find it in God. just ask him and he will surely come. in everything God has never let each and everyone of us go, we might not realize it but..if we just stop, to look back into our lives, in times, when bad things might happen but they didn't, when a stranger stop by to give up a lift home, when someone gave you something you've been wanting for so long, when a friend stand by your side in the hard times, there's God in it. 


when you read this and you've been away from God for a long time, and you wonder if he still loves you, if there's ever a second chance for you, the answer is YES. just pray, call onto him and he will answer you in ways your heart and soul will understand :) - no one is too broken for God to be able to fix, no one is too dirty for God to hug, no one is too bad for God to forgive. 



2. don't lose yourself in the vision that you can no longer see the one who gave you the vision


Sam got a vision from God to built an orphanage in Sudan. in the area that is so dangerous because of the civil war in Sudan. He's so determined to save the children in Sudan that he let his vision blinds him from the things that matter. What is meant to be a compassion has turned into something worse, the feeling took over his heart, his mind and finally covers his vision from the one true thing, the giver of his vision. 


Witnessing the killing of children in Sudan and how no one is wiling to support him in doing something for them, frustrated Sam. He questioned God, his attitude changed and he's started to get distant from the people that he loves and loves him. The frustration took over and then it made him did things that he later on regretted.


Working on vision and dream is important. Finding a purpose of life is important. But don't lose yourself in the process. When frustration take control, take time to cool down, take time to pray and talk to other people that you can trust to get support for them, so you won't be feeling as if no one understands how you feel.


When God gives you a vision, he will give you the provision. Do not worry when things go wild and seem like out of control because if you would stay still and know that he is God, he's able to do more that we ever thought he would. Don't let the vision owned you, because you own the vision. Don't let it control you, because you should be the one to control your vision :)


3. self-righteous will bring you down


This is the most interesting thing in the movie. When Sam thinks as if no one understand his vision, he builds up a self-righteous attitude, he starts thinking as if "he's better" than any other people just because he's so concern about the african children. The one thing that rather disturb me is how he uses God to achieve what he wanted to do. I know that he has a vision from God, but taking God's name to justify what you do and to tell people to do something just because it seems like you're the only one who can carry the burden is wrong. 


I do agree that no one can walk alone, thus, find people that you know will walk with you. Don't push people to do things that they don't feel like doing, if you do, don't be surprised by their reaction. we can never change people, only God can. so don't frustrate ourselves by trying to change people. i've been there and there's nothing that i can do except keep on going to do my part and let other people see. sometimes, it will move them to start walking with you or most of the time, it will do nothing on them, either way, don't give up! keep trying to find people who understand you and willing to walk with you.

another thing about self-righteous is...it's necessary to take time to humbly LISTEN to other people. in the movie Sam's wife Lynn and even his african friend, Deng have expressed their concern about Sam's condition that he simply ignored. fact is, other people might see things in a different perspective than we are and we need to listen to them. especially those who are close to us and love us, because those who love us never afraid to correct us and tell us the truth no matter how it might hurt us because they will also be there to work on the healing process with us. 


when we think that we're on the right track, that's when most of the time we're actually off the track.


there's one interesting bible verse on this one: 
"People may be right in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their heart." - Proverbs 21:2. 


you might think that your way is right but remember, that's only on your own perspective. maybe it's not according to other people or maybe it's not according to God. do a heart check once in a while to know whether we are really in the right track or not ;)


4. don't let hatred slips into your heart


A touching scene when Sam was down and his faith was shaken because he had seen how the civil war torn the african children apart, how the LRA had use the children as soldiers and how the children suffered because of the war, a little boy came into his room. This little boy was a former children soldier of LRA that Sam saved. he never speak before but this time he sat beside Sam and told Sam the story of his life. his father was killed by the LRA and he was forced to kill his own mother by the LRA to save his and his brother's life, since then he became the children soldier and got separated from his brother. 


One memorable thing that he said to Sam was : "if you let hatred gets into your heart, they win." 


Hatred is formed by the unwillingness to forgive. When someone has done something wrong to us and we just can't let it go, we will eventually hate that someone and that hate will turn into anger that will trigger the thought of having a revenge to make that someone feels what we feel.


i've been there too, i hate someone because he has hurt me so bad and i wish that he would feel what i feel, the same pain or even worse. but, when i knew that he's living happy and well, i got so frustrated and mad. i was not happy with that. i hated him and i wanted him to suffer. until i realize that...


DANG IT! why would i let the hurt get over me and paralyzed me? he's living a happy life and why should i drown in my misery, deeply wishing that he would suffer somehow. why would i let him control my life, my feelings and my emotions? 


then i start to let it go, i say it over and over and over again to myself that i forgive him.


Sounds easy? NO


forgiveness never comes easy. it's hard because it's like giving up your rights for revenge. i've hear that revenge is a dish best served cold. yet i also know that revenge will also make your heart colder. that's not a nice thing.


i struggle to forgive, i have been through nights where i struggle to let go the pain, crying and praying, asking God to give me the strength. i stop looking at the person's life and start looking at my own life, focusing in building myself up so i can be healed from the pain. by doing that, my life, my feeling and my emotion are no longer dictated by the person who hurt me. 


the best revenge you can do to those who have hurt you is to show them that you can live your life well and happy without them and that's how you suppose to be :) - don't let hatred slips into your heart because that means they win!