The Latte Art.

Latte art is a method of preparing coffee created by pouring steamed milk into a shot of espresso and resulting in a pattern or design on the surface of the resulting latte. (from wikipedia)

I was inspired to write this post after what happened yesterday evening. It was a funny yet sweet thing (at least according to me :p). 

So, me and some friends were on an after office hour hang out at this cafe near our office. One of my friends, namely Mr. X was a regular there, that's why we often go to this particular cafe. When our orders came, it turned out that Mr. X's latte was decorated with a cute little heart next to his initial latte art (it was very possible to be translated as "love X"). When we saw it, we laughed so hard, took a picture of it and guessed which of the female staffs actually did the latte art, while Mr. X, he was just trying to act cool when in fact his face showed that he's so amused by it. I didn't know if my other friends actually noticed the girl but I think I could guess which one and my guess rarely missed :)) - how could I be so confident, it's because when she left after her shift's done she took a glance at our table and kind of looking for this Mr. X while at that moment he was not present because he went to the ATM.

I think my friend, Mr. X would kill me for actually posting this story, LOL.

Honestly, what she did was cute. Well, despite of the fact that my friend is a married man with two kids. I don't know what is her intention or what's in her mind when she did, I don't really care about that because I still think that it's so cute (maybe it's because I am a hopelessly romantic person :p) - and I also like the way my friend treated the gift he received through the latte art. He didn't stir it but instead he carefully sipped his latte so that the latte art remained that way. For me, it's definitely a nice appreciation.

It made me think...what usually holds you from letting someone know that you care, that you notice them or that you like them or attracted to them? --- I can say that the girl was very brave to let my friend knew that she noticed him. It might just be a joke that she managed to pull on my friend, but hey! at least it made my friend smiled because she did it (and I dare to bet that my friend must have felt so flattered by it). 

Letting other people know about your feeling to them can be a frightening thing to do. The fear or rejection, the fear of the awkwardness, the fear of being resented. Such honesty, is hard to be said. hard to be expressed. hard to be let known. It's personal by the heart and letting other people know about what you feel, really means something. It's like...letting them enter in your fragile moment, exposed. 

I was in that kind of situation once, I was being honest with someone about how I felt about him and...well, instead of having a good conversation or at least a nice appreciation, he just kept silent. Didn't say anything and even pretend that it never happened then after, he just got distant. To be honest, it hurt me. I wasn't expecting that this someone would return my feeling, what I expected was for us to talk about it since we were friends (or maybe since I thought we were friends). I told him that I didn't have the slightest idea why I like him but I just did and I truly care about him. I also told him that our friendship matter more than what I felt about him or what he felt about him, I just want him to know that and then maybe we could talk about it in a relax conversation between friends, catching up the honesty and just got over it. I didn't want to lose a good friend but apparently it's not what he had in mind. Oh well, it's never my loss anyway, because in the end I understand why it happened and why I didn't end up with him.

Being honest will not always get you in the best situation. Like being honest with your feeling or being honest to other people with your feeling. 

Some people might get afraid of being honest to their own feeling because of the bad experiences they had before, they are afraid...afraid of getting hurt, afraid of getting disappointed, afraid of getting the same bad experiences again. But, we should not be afraid to love again, to let our heart feel again because what is worse is a heart that cannot feel a thing. 

Some people might get afraid of being honest to other people with their feeling...afraid of getting awkward, afraid of the resentment or afraid of losing something even more precious (like I did). But, what's the use of keeping everything tied up in our heart and losing the chance? Well, learning from my experience, not everyone can handle the truth and honesty, thus we should really consider, what's the worst possibility and whether we can handle it when it occurs. The best way to put it is...stop and think before you really do something and for sure prepare yourself for the worst case scenario.

Letting how you feel be known is not an easy thing to do, it takes courage and a great heart to deal with what comes after and that is why, I would suggest that if someone is letting you know how they feel...appreciate it. I don't ask you to return the feeling if you don't feel the same, but a little appreciation would do nicely. Of course they might get hurt when the feeling is not mutual but at least you can help to ease the burden by telling them the truth and appreciate their courage. It's never wrong to return the kindness to other people and for sure, it would surely be nice to feel appreciated since not much people having the courtesy to give an appreciation to other people and not taking granted of the feeling :) -- remember that, it takes a lot of courage to be honest and to let other people know how we feel. 

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what's up 2013!

So, we're already entering the second week of 2013 - how time flies so fast! anyway, have you made the list of what you're going to do this year? As for me, I have some things that I really want to do this year and hope to accomplish well by the end of this year :D - and the list goes like this...

180 days is the first thing I signed up for 2013. What’s the meaning of 180 days? it means 180 days of reading the Bible from the beginning to the end. It’s the result of my end of year reflection, I think I need to get in touch with the foundation of my faith more in order to keep my mind sane, LOL. Na’ah, it’s just that I think God has been good to me since I knew Him and I’ve been a brat for too long, running away here and there, so I need to really get back to Him and just listening to what He has to say rather than Him always listening to what I say *grin* - it's time to get RIGHT again.

Advanced Open Water is the second thing I’m enrolling this year. I enrolled in the same dive facility and with the same instructor when I took my Open Water certification. Diving, to be frank, is not a cheap hobby. It will seriously cost you a lot, mostly for the traveling cost. I need to manage my money carefully just to make sure that I can dive and still going on with my daily needs. Some people think it’s a waste of money but for me, it’s a worth solitude. The feeling of being underwater, meeting with the unique creatures and enjoying the beauty of the wonderful corals is priceless. Every time I get down there, in solemn silence but the sound of my own bubbles, that’s where my faith in God is tested.

Being underwater, with nothing or no one to hold on to but God is really a spiritual experience. Diving is categorized in extreme sport for the heavy and life threatening side effects if anything’s going wrong down there and trust me, you wouldn’t want anything going wrong down there. Of course there will be your dive buddy (it is never suggested to dive alone) but still, when you are down there, you are on your own, you take care of your own gear, you breathe with your own tank and you definitely control your own buoyancy. When I get down there, my mind would be filled with fears, fear of not able to breathe properly, fear of ascending too fast and damaging my lungs, fear of the currents and other fears that would lead me to the fear of death. So diving is definitely a spiritual experience for me, it’s a therapy to challenge my fears and trusting God more with my life – and it’s definitely on my to - do - list this year as well :)

Creative Lab is the third thing I would try to make happen this year, Creative Lab is the name of some creative projects that I plan to do with my friends. I don’t want to spoil things yet but I will make sure I put on some updates on the progress if things are already settled and well established :) -  this has been something that I had in mind for quite a while but this year I have the determination to make it happen. Help me, God.

Battle against a certain addiction is another decision I made for this year. I have a certain addiction over something – in which I won’t disclose here (yet, maybe later when I have recovered). This thing has been crushing my self-image. Something that always make me feel like I’m never good enough and messing with my head so bad. I can tell you that it’s a hard addiction and I really need to recover from it.

It’s something that has been an obstacle for me not only to fully receive God’s grace and love but to also fully function. Thus, this year, I’m trying to recover from it. Not an easy thing to do to battle an addiction but...I need to make the decision to fully recover and leave the baggage where it should be, behind me. 

The Book Project is a long delay project since forever, hahaha...but this year, I will try to write more and contemplating to think about the topic I really want to write. From the previous experience, my topic changed every time something happened in my life – i know that it is very lame and far from consistency, haha. Going towards the book project, I’ve made a promise to myself that I will try to submit as many writings to any writing contest and at least write half a chapter per week.

I know that what is lack from me is DETERMINATION & CONSISTENCY. Sometimes I can be very laid back and wishing that by snapping fingers everything can be settled, well...it doesn’t work that way. That’s why I need to work with people who can constantly remind me of EVERYTHING – best is to work with people you can trust and trust you back. I’m glad that I have several friends who are able to do that with me and it is also very important to work with people with the same passion as yours because then, you won’t be feeling as if you’re running the race alone :)

 In 2013, I tried to be more flexible. I tried not to put too much things on my hands but rather do things bit by bit, step by step. Less ambitious to be exact and take life just as it is, flowing with the time and the daily revelation God is telling me. So far, those things are my target to be achieved in 2013 and will be the things that I’m focusing on during the year.  I hope that you guys have made a list of what you want to achieve this year and I pray that you have the strength, courage, focus and also resources to achieve it. The best is yet to come and let’s end 2013 with no regrets!

Terimakasih.

Terimakasih untuk cinta dan kasih sayang. Terimakasih untuk kesabaran yang tidak pernah berakhir, disaat aku membandel dan menjadi keras kepala. Terimakasih untuk kepercayaan yang tidak pernah henti-hentinya diberikan, dalam langkah yang tertatih setapak demi setapak.

Terimakasih untuk selalu memeluk saat lara dan menghibur saat duka, untuk setiap genggaman tangan penuh ketenangan saat jiwa gundah gulana, saat takut menghantui dan saat kebingungan melanda. Terimakasih untuk selalu mengingatkan saat mulai lupa, menegur saat mulai menyimpang, untuk setiap kata-kata tegas yang menohok dan untuk setiap kata-kata penuh penguatan yang membangkitkan mimpi.

Terimakasih untuk setiap kesempatan yang diberikan disaat-saat yang tidak disangka, yang membuat tawa penuh tangis haru pun pecah. Terimakasih untuk setiap pembelaan demi pembelaan dan terimakasih untuk selalu menyelamatkan disaat kritis, disaat sepertinya aku tidak layak untuk dibela.

Terimakasih untuk semua tawa dalam percakapan-percakapan singkat di pagi hari yang ditemani oleh secangkir susu coklat hangat dan pribadi yang menghangatkan hati, untuk duduk berdampingan berbagi cerita, untuk pesan singkat yang selalu membuat senyum simpul. Untuk tatapan yang saling mengamati dalam diam, lalu berakhir dengan senyuman penuh makna. 

Terimakasih untuk pemulihan atas luka, perlahan untuk kembali mencoba percaya bahwa semua akan indah pada waktunya. Terimakasih untuk mengajarkan agar tidak pernah menyerah, tidak pernah putus harapan, tidak pernah berjalan sendiri. Terimakasih.

Terimakasih untuk teman-teman, mereka yang percaya, mereka yang ada di setiap musim, yang berbagi ceria, berbagi cerita. Mereka yang mewarnai hari dengan berbagai harapan dan mereka yang berjalan bersama, tidak meninggalkan meskipun pada saat-saat sulit. Mereka yang menerima tanpa syarat, tanpa berpura-pura, tulus dan mereka yang rela menampar saat aku berjalan di jalan yang salah. 

Terimakasih untuk keluarga, tempat bernaung, tempat berbagi, tempat belajar menjadi lebih baik. Terimakasih untuk perhatian dan kasih sayang yang tidak pernah henti dalam berbagai situasi. Terimakasih untuk bimbingan, teladan dan pelajaran.

Terimakasih untuk semua yang sudah diberikan. Untuk nafas, untuk hidup, untuk mimpi, untuk harapan. Untuk semua yang membuat menangis dan tertawa. Untuk semua yang mengajar untuk berbagi, mengasihi, memaafkan, menjadi lebih kuat. Terimakasih untuk pengetahuan, kebijaksanaan, pengajaran, hal-hal baru.

Terimakasih untuk komunitas, mereka yang baru kutemui, mereka yang menjadi guru-guruku. Mereka yang memberi ilmu tanpa pamrih, hanya murni berbagi. Terimakasih.

Terimakasih untuk pekerjaan, yang memberikan penghasilan, pelajaran dan berbagai pengalaman. Terimakasih untuk semua suka duka yang pernah dilalui, dihadapi, dilewati. Terimakasih untuk semuanya.

Terimakasih untuk dirimu, selalu ada dan tidak pernah meninggalkan aku sendiri. Terimakasih kuucapkan meski tahu tidak ada yang bisa diberikan untuk membalas semua yang sudah kau berikan.

Terimakasih, Tuhan. Terimakasih.

Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013.

as usual the new year is welcomed by lots of fireworks and trumpet sounds. everyone is excited for the new year and new resolutions are made, written and prayed for. some partying the night away, some staying at home yet however people are deciding to welcome the new year, a new hope always comes around as if a new chance is given and a new chapter begins.

I spend the night by staying at home, enjoying my holiday, watching movies, reading a book and listening to some music. Simply doing the things that I love and I couldn't ask for something better than this. (and with the sound of non-stop fireworks it almost feel like we're on a war or something, haha).

2012 has been a great year. It's been a year of self-discovery, forgiving, filtering and also filled with favour and grace everywhere I was looking :) - it's been a crazy year for sure. 

Let's just get through that one by one, this is meant to be a self reflection so I hope you guys don't mind :)

1. Self-Discovery

Well, for someone in her late twenties (argh, this is the harsh truth), maybe it's weird to still be asking "what do I really want to do in life?" - yet that's exactly the question I always ask myself year after year. To figure out what I really want to do in life, I put myself out there and tried everything I've been wanting to try. 

First, Photography - I am so blessed with the fact that my office has a photography club and I can be part of it. It was an amazing experience to have learned a lot from the club not just about photography but also about organization and everything in between. I met some great friends here and also had the greatest time learning about photography. Including doing a wedding photo shoot for a colleague (I've been wanting to try to do it and now I got the chance, woot?! woot?!)

Second, Aikido - one of my colleague is actually the Sensei. I've been wanting to learn about this martial art and finally I got the chance. Aikido is a beautiful martial art that moves like a dancer, very smooth, very graceful yet also lethal in a way. I got to learn few basic moves before I had to go for a hiatus due to some other activities that clash with the practice time. 

Third, Diving - the craziest thing I've ever done throughout 2012 is DIVING. I got certified in May and went diving in one of the deepest sea in Indonesia, the Banda Sea in August. How cool is that! I've been loving it A LOT. The underwater world is amazing and so beautiful. Through diving, I've met great people and it was such a blessing for me.

Fourth, Designing and Writing - two of the craziest things happened in 2012 were to design a reusable bag for a WWF Event (been wanting to get in touch with this organization for ages and now, I'm having the chance to design something for their event?!! - that's crazy cool!) in which I have to extend my gratitude to one of my friends, Priska, who's not just taking me diving but also giving me her trust to let me design the reusable bag and the other crazy thing is to have my writing submitted to a writing contest in order to be published as a book which was going to be sold for charity. It was truly a privilege to see my name listed as one of whose writings are going to be published.  In this case I have to thank Rotary Batavia for making it happen and for the trust to let my writing be in their book. 

So, 2012 was indeed the year of self-discovery...to see what do i like to do and what i don't like to do. I think I'm really close to figure out what I REALLY WANT to do next in my life :)

2. Forgiving and Filtering

I started 2012 by making a resolution to move on and finally get healed from an unpleasant past with someone. It was not easy to forgive someone - anyone who said it's easy must be a lunatic -  and I still need to do that day by day until today with the grace of God.

However, it turned out that, that someone is not the only person that I need to forgive...suddenly, people whom I thought as close friends and whom I trusted suddenly become the people who hurt me the most, I was greatly disappointed by a lot of people. Well, I'm still a living breathing human being that has a feeling and able to get hurt and what happened had really hurt me in the heart and somehow, made me put a barrier between me and other people. It wasn't easy and extremely unpleasant, the eerie feeling of being disappointed and neglected and judged and you name it! - only God knows how much I've tried and struggled just to let the pain go, forgive and let Him heal my heart bits by bits.

It wasn't easy. the matter of the heart is never easy...yet I believe that this experience will make me stronger and smarter, yes, smarter in terms of putting a careful filter before I let anyone comes closer into my life. I have been too naive to simply trust anyone to come into my life too fast and in the end, I was the one who's hurt. It's nobody's fault but me. People always have the chance to hurt you in many ways , but the one who can protect you is you. That is what I learned and that is what I found as true.

In that case, the experience had also brought me to see who are worth to be called as true friends. hardships are the best thing to show the true colors of your friends. those who stay by your side during the hard times are worth to be called as true friends. however, it is our choice to choose with what kind of people do we want our lives to be surrounded with. if your friends don't help you to grow better, if your friends can't be happy when you're happy, if your friends are those who act differently in front of you and behind you, if your friends continuously judging you without even bother to listen to you MAYBE oh wait NOT MAYBE but YOU SHOULD find another friends. That's what I've learned. 

3. Year of favour and grace

Well, I'm not a good girl but God is a good God. if I were Him, I might strike me with thunders for so many times because of what I've done XD - but not God, He's been so kind and patient with me and not just that...He's been showering me a lot with His favour and grace in which I could never thank Him enough. I could go on and write a lot of things that He had done during 2012 but this post would be too long, so I'll write it separately in a special post dedicated for Him :)

And now, it's time for saying Hello to 2013 :)

First thing first is to thank God for His continuous and faithful support and love that He still trust me to be in this new year. I have many plans ahead and many things in mind but what I wish for 2013 is simply this:

"God, I wish that in 2013, my heart is renewed. You know what it's been bruised, it looks so ugly, beaten and rotten. Thus I pray that You will give me a new heart, a fresh one that will beat in the same rhythm as Your heart. A heart that will have a larger capacity to be able to forgive and to love, a heart that will always be reminded of the grace given by You so it will be able to pass the grace too. I wish that in 2013, I live a happier life, by happier I mean I am able to spend my days with You and be grateful in all circumstances. Having a hope that never dies and a faith that is strongly anchored in You. I wish that in 2013, I am able to live the dreams  and plans You have for me for the year and have the courage to make the first step into Your calling. Lead me God, to the place where You want me to be, to the people whom You want me to meet and to the right time when You want me to be in order for Your plans in my life to be made true. Amen."