Thursday, April 27, 2017

A Diverting Path That Leads Elsewhere

 Image result for two roads
(picture taken from the internet)

Two weeks ago, someone asked me a question that got me thinking. It was actually a simple question but the answer  is not that simple. 

He began by asking, "Have you ever go to school abroad?" I said, "No", then he asked again, "Why?" - I actually have no idea why he asked the question in the first place but I 
told him that it was a good question and the answer might sound silly but it's because my parents can't stand their kids to be away from them. 

My answer was in fact only 20% of the whole truth - of course my parents always want their children to be around but they never really object if their children living away from them as long as it's for our good. 

The real reason why was not that simple yet it was the simplest answer I can give to him at that time.

So what is the real answer, well truth is, I always wanted to go to school abroad since I was young especially when some of my cousins also went to school abroad. I learned English eagerly with a hope that one day it might be useful if I go to school abroad. I prepared myself well.


During my high school years, I remember talking with my best friend, our dream was to apply for London Academy of Performing Arts (LAPA) just because both of us have a city-crush with London and I was aspired to be a scriptwriter or playwright (that was the time when dream can be so random, haha). 

I actually downloaded the application form and filled it but never submitted it, knowing that my parents would kill me if I did that.

My parents are typical Asian parents (if I am allowed to use the term "typical"), their mindset is if you want to be successful then you need to take further degree in economics or accounting or becoming a doctor - which for the later sadly I cannot, since I don't like math and successfully fail in physics after always inventing new formulas to solve the  problems rather than using what was taught, haha - I still think I should get credit for my creativity though.

So, I ended up in Social class instead of Science class no matter how much I love biology and chemistry (yeah! when else can you study on how to build an explosive by mixing some chemicals :p) and failed the first requirement to become a doctor. 

Now you know that LAPA was not really a good idea. My parents would freak out and worry that I would never survive in the world. So, the next thing I needed to do was to determine what else suited me better and not going to freak my parents. I opted for a degree in psychology or social sciences, I looked up for some universities in UK (specifically London) and Australia. I attended education fair. I obtained as much information as I can. I was so pumped and ready but then there was one thing, my parents were having financial problems during my high school years and we were going through a bit of tough times. 

My dad was just starting a bakery business after deciding to stop working as a corporate slave. My parents had to  sacrifice a lot and I felt like if I asked my parents to send me to school abroad (not to mention taking the degree that was not expected by them), it would be too much for them so I decided to look for other option.

You might ask, why not pursuing for scholarship? Well, I did look up for the possibility of that, yet I had to admit that I was not the brightest kid in the school academically, my grades were not that brilliant to get me a scholarship :-/

So since going to school abroad is not an option, I asked my parents if I can apply for a degree in psychology instead of economics or accounting. They said yes, but with a condition that I should apply for national university instead of private university, in which I would need to take a placement test and compete with thousands of other graduates for a spot. I agreed on the condition, I applied for the top 3 national universities for psychology and english literature as the second option. Then I took the placement test.

I didn't make it though. I did study hard but I didn't pass the test. So I told my parents I didn't pass the placement test and decided to enroll myself in a private university, taking Information System major. They agreed.

I spent 4 years to finish my bachelor's degree. In my final year I tried to apply for a scholarship for Master's Degree for MBA in UK and got an full scholarship for the education fees from University of Brighton, but I needed to figure out a place to live on my own. I did tell my parents about that but the numbers were still quite enormous (well, UK was not - and still is not the cheapest place to stay) and considering that my brother was still in Junior High and he still had a long way to go, I couldn't be selfish thus I decided to let it go and looked for a job instead so at the very least I could sustain my own expenses.  

My first job was a part time job in a home business during my final year, I was paid for USD 4 for 8 hours per day and I worked 3 or 4 days a week as a personal assistant, accounting staff and handling other general business. That made my monthly payment around USD 64. I worked for 4 months before finally quitting the job because I wanted to focus to work on my final thesis. 6 months later I passed my thesis defense and got my first job at a bank two months before my graduation day and up until today I have been working for three multinational companies and grateful for every experience and knowledge that I've got during my years of working. 

Did I ever feel disappointed for not going to school abroad?

At first yes, I felt as if I have missed a lot of chances to experience what is it like to live away from my parents, what is it like to live in a foreign country, what is it like to be in a new culture - but along the way, I no longer feel that way, why? because God has given me more than what I could ask for :) - besides, staying by my parents' side during the hard times is something that I believe was right to do. 

Did I ever blame my parents because I couldn't go to school abroad?

No. Although my choices were affected by my family's financial condition, but I was the one who made the decisions and I should be responsible for that instead of blaming the situation or other people. 

In life, sometimes we don't always get what we want. That's the harsh truth, but along the way we will learn that sometimes what we want is not always what we need.

Now, as I have been working for three multinational companies, I have met colleagues from many foreign countries, I have been assigned for international assignment and training abroad by the companies. My English ability has taken me everywhere I need to be although I have never been to school abroad, it was the result of hard work, persistence and a lot of practice. The early preparation has never failed. It did pay off ;)

God has given me more than I could ever asked for. I have a good job and a good pay. I can travel and even go diving in many beautiful places in Indonesia. I have met wonderful people from many places during my travel, I have made good friends along the way and I know that it's all because of God's grace.

Honestly, there was a time when I used to think of myself less than those who go to school abroad. They seemed to speak English very well and eloquent, they seemed to look sophisticated, open-minded, brilliant and look well because mostly their parents are well-off. I used to I envy them. 

But there is one thing that my parents always teach their children which is to be grateful with much and with little, to count our blessings and be thankful. So, I stop comparing, because what is the use of thinking less of myself when God has blessed me with more, He has taken me where I needed to be and through it all I got to witness His faithfulness and goodness in my life.

I might never be like those people who have been going to school abroad, but I know I am as qualified as they are - to think about it, I would not become who I am today if the story went the other way :)

I had the dream, but then I needed to take a re-route, it's not easy but I am still grateful because God is with me throughout the way. He gives me the strength, comfort and courage to keep on going. Well, maybe I couldn't go to school abroad but maybe one day I can send my children to go abroad, who knows ;)

Today, if you feel like your life is being upside down and everything does not go according your plan. Take a step back, be grateful for what you have received and achieved, then maybe you will see things from a different perspective and maybe even find a new revelation on what you should do next. 

I am not saying that you should give up on your dream, but one thing that I've learned is to be flexible with what life brings to you and always be grateful.

I believe that a grateful heart opens many doors, doors that you never know you can enter, maybe even better than you have initially wish for and who knows that you might eventually achieve your dream in the least expected ways ;)

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