On Grief

As I wrote this post I was listening to a song, “How He loves us”, John Mark McMillan wrote the song upon the loss of his best friend, Stephen Coffey. He died in a car accident right after he went home from a prayer meeting where he declared to God that he would give his life to see the youth of the nation change. Such irony that after he said the prayer, the accident happened. 

I believe in God and I believe that in He is good. 

Yet, in such situation, it’s hard to believe that He is good. If He is good, then why did He let the tragedy happened. Having someone so dear to you being taken away without being able to do something or saying goodbye was truly hard.

I can imagine how hard and painful it was. I have lost a good friend too. I lost him unexpectedly. It was hard. It was painful. And it still hurts sometimes when I think of my friend and how much I miss him. 

I only lose a friend, I cannot imagine if you lose your parents, spouse or even children. 

I know that it would be hard for those who are left behind, I am not going to deny that or trying to eliminate the pain. We cannot close our hearts from the emotions, from the memories or from the feelings. But we can all choose to deal with the grief instead of dwelling in the grief. 

Grief is a place where we deal and struggle with God the most. The way we respond to grief will take us to a deeper experience with God. In the hard times when we cannot understand why, when we even feel like we can’t handle it, we can always trust that God loves us and that He will be there in our tears, weeping and crying with us, giving His comfort. 

John Mark McMillan lost his best friend, he struggles with the grief and God, and resulting in the song “How He loves us”, a powerful song that relies on God’s love amidst of everything painful. 

I lost my friend. I grieved as well, I ask God why, I struggle with Him and although it hurts, I know He loves me, I know He loves my friend. And that gave me the comfort that I need. 

My friend cannot be replaced. He will never be replaceable. He would always be a loss. There would still be a gap in the pictures where he could be. There would be something missing in the moments where he could be. That still aches sometimes. I’m not going to lie on the pain just to make you feel better. It will still be painful, but we can always have control in the way we are responding to the pain. 

When we lose someone. The person would never be replaceable, but we can always cherish the memories, we can always be grateful that at some point in our lives we were honoured to have met, to have grown, to be friends with, to be partnered with, to have married with, to have given birth to, to have known him or her. We could always celebrate his / her life instead of mourning over his / her death. 

Yes it’s hard. Yes it’s painful. But, God is closest to the broken-hearted and He gives comfort to them. Take time with Him, reason with Him, talk to Him, get mad at Him, yell at Him, but don’t close your heart to Him so He can mend your broken heart. 

I can’t guarantee you that it would be easy. 

Yes there will be a lot of “WHYs” floating around in your mind, there will be those sleepless nights, there will be tears and swollen eyes, there will be a painful broken heart, there will a missing part that will stay for quite some time, there will be anger, sadness, guilt and every mixed feelings you can possibly feel. 

People say that time will heal and you will feel like strangling them because they seem not to understand how much you are hurting (been there, done that). 

Yet you need to keep going on with life. You need to continue to live. Give grief a good time and then keep going, get hold of yourself, pick all the broken pieces and go on. If there is guilt, let it go, forgive yourself, learn from the mistake and move on. 

Celebrate the life of the one who has passed by living your life to the fullest, by being the better version of you. I believe that’s what they want you to do. 

There will be times where you would miss them, and there was this particular dialogue from Eat, Pray and Love that I would always remember every time I miss my friend.

Liz Gilbert : I did love you, Stephen. 

Stephen : I know. But I still love you. 

Liz Gilbert : So, love me. 

Stephen : But I miss you.

Liz Gilbert : So, miss me. Send me love and light every time you think of me... Then drop it. It won't last forever. Nothing does.

Yes, when you miss them. It’s okay to take time to miss them and to remember them, then drop it and go on with your life. 

You will be fine. You are stronger now and God is with you.