Learn to say "No"

For all the good kind hearted people who's been facing the difficulties to say "No" 

Learning to say "No" is important especially to the things that don't bring you any good. 

I'm a person who used to struggle to say "No" -- sometimes I feel guilty to say "No" because I feel like I am a bad person because it feels like I don't want to help the person or I feel like I am not a good friend.

So, I used to say "Yes" all the time and sacrifice everything I have (time and resources) to keep the promise and in the end, I become exhausted. Thus, I learned to be more selective and start to say "No" -- and it's not always easy. 

Saying "No" doesn't mean you are a bad person, saying "No" for the right cause and reason could be even better for the other person and foremostly, good for you. It's a self-love exercise. You know that you love yourself enough not to attend to everything other people ask from you. You know when to give help and know when to restrain because at times, you would need help too (and when such times come you would know who you true friends are).

Today, learn to say "No" and love yourself ❤️

What We Want Is Not Always What God Has In Mind

As Christians we can be biased sometimes. We often insist on God doing something that we want. We even claimed that what we want is what God wants. But what if what we want is not what God has in mind no matter how right we think it is?

There was an interesting case in the Bible. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego was punished by King Nebuchadnezzar for not following the King’s rules where everyone has to worship His gods. These three men were known to be upright, uncorrupted and good leaders for the people. Their enemies were trying to bring them down but they couldn’t find any flaws, the only flaw was they refused to worship the gods that the King worshipped. Thus, they use it to get them. They accused these three men for violating the law that instructed everyone to worship the gods and brought the case to the King.

The King was very upset and he questioned these men, what did they say?

“16  Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you. 17  If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. 18  But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.” (Daniel 3: 16 -18 – NLT)

Yes, they were sticking up to what they believe. They believe that God can save them but even if He didn’t, they still would not server the King’s gods or worship the gold statue he has set. In the end, they were thrown to the fire and God saved them. Happy Ending.

But what if, God didn’t save them. Would they lose faith in Him? I don’t think so. They have stated it clearly, they knew their lives were at stake and still they choose to believe in Him. God can but if God is doing something else, they still trust Him.

How many of us, praying so hard for God to answer it. We have the faith that God will answer our prayers according to what we want. Having faith is good. Believing that God can answer your prayers is powerful but one thing that we all need to learn is, God sometimes have another thing in His mind that might be different than what we want or what we believe He wants.

When that happens, would we still believe in Him?

On Grief

As I wrote this post I was listening to a song, “How He loves us”, John Mark McMillan wrote the song upon the loss of his best friend, Stephen Coffey. He died in a car accident right after he went home from a prayer meeting where he declared to God that he would give his life to see the youth of the nation change. Such irony that after he said the prayer, the accident happened. 

I believe in God and I believe that in He is good. 

Yet, in such situation, it’s hard to believe that He is good. If He is good, then why did He let the tragedy happened. Having someone so dear to you being taken away without being able to do something or saying goodbye was truly hard.

I can imagine how hard and painful it was. I have lost a good friend too. I lost him unexpectedly. It was hard. It was painful. And it still hurts sometimes when I think of my friend and how much I miss him. 

I only lose a friend, I cannot imagine if you lose your parents, spouse or even children. 

I know that it would be hard for those who are left behind, I am not going to deny that or trying to eliminate the pain. We cannot close our hearts from the emotions, from the memories or from the feelings. But we can all choose to deal with the grief instead of dwelling in the grief. 

Grief is a place where we deal and struggle with God the most. The way we respond to grief will take us to a deeper experience with God. In the hard times when we cannot understand why, when we even feel like we can’t handle it, we can always trust that God loves us and that He will be there in our tears, weeping and crying with us, giving His comfort. 

John Mark McMillan lost his best friend, he struggles with the grief and God, and resulting in the song “How He loves us”, a powerful song that relies on God’s love amidst of everything painful. 

I lost my friend. I grieved as well, I ask God why, I struggle with Him and although it hurts, I know He loves me, I know He loves my friend. And that gave me the comfort that I need. 

My friend cannot be replaced. He will never be replaceable. He would always be a loss. There would still be a gap in the pictures where he could be. There would be something missing in the moments where he could be. That still aches sometimes. I’m not going to lie on the pain just to make you feel better. It will still be painful, but we can always have control in the way we are responding to the pain. 

When we lose someone. The person would never be replaceable, but we can always cherish the memories, we can always be grateful that at some point in our lives we were honoured to have met, to have grown, to be friends with, to be partnered with, to have married with, to have given birth to, to have known him or her. We could always celebrate his / her life instead of mourning over his / her death. 

Yes it’s hard. Yes it’s painful. But, God is closest to the broken-hearted and He gives comfort to them. Take time with Him, reason with Him, talk to Him, get mad at Him, yell at Him, but don’t close your heart to Him so He can mend your broken heart. 

I can’t guarantee you that it would be easy. 

Yes there will be a lot of “WHYs” floating around in your mind, there will be those sleepless nights, there will be tears and swollen eyes, there will be a painful broken heart, there will a missing part that will stay for quite some time, there will be anger, sadness, guilt and every mixed feelings you can possibly feel. 

People say that time will heal and you will feel like strangling them because they seem not to understand how much you are hurting (been there, done that). 

Yet you need to keep going on with life. You need to continue to live. Give grief a good time and then keep going, get hold of yourself, pick all the broken pieces and go on. If there is guilt, let it go, forgive yourself, learn from the mistake and move on. 

Celebrate the life of the one who has passed by living your life to the fullest, by being the better version of you. I believe that’s what they want you to do. 

There will be times where you would miss them, and there was this particular dialogue from Eat, Pray and Love that I would always remember every time I miss my friend.

Liz Gilbert : I did love you, Stephen. 

Stephen : I know. But I still love you. 

Liz Gilbert : So, love me. 

Stephen : But I miss you.

Liz Gilbert : So, miss me. Send me love and light every time you think of me... Then drop it. It won't last forever. Nothing does.

Yes, when you miss them. It’s okay to take time to miss them and to remember them, then drop it and go on with your life. 

You will be fine. You are stronger now and God is with you.

you give power to what you believe in

Few weeks ago in the morning, I was listening to the radio where the hosts were talking about ghost since it was going to be Halloween and one of the host said this, “Don’t be afraid of ghosts because they are just the reflections of our fear” – hmm, interesting.

Either we realise it or not, what we believe is reflected in our lives. When you believe in something, it becomes real for you.

For example, if I believe in God then God is real for me and I can see His power is working in my life. But, for those who don’t believe in God, God is not real and for them, He has no power in their lives. Why? Because you give power to what you believe in.

I watched Doctor Strange last night and the movie spoke exactly the same message. What is in your mind, forms your reality meaning you give power to what you believe. If you believe that you can do something then you can do it, no matter what other people might say to you.  

As I thought of this, I was reminded by a verse in the Bible that said, “And so he (Jesus) did only a few miracles there because of their unbelief.” (Matthew 13:58, NLT) - The background story was: Jesus hung out in his hometown, but since nobody believed that the son of a carpenter could perform miracles, He couldn’t do much because they don’t believe in Him.

If someone don’t believe in you, then no matter what you do, it won’t change their mind if they have set it that way. Thus, whatever you do will be useless because they cannot see it. And it also applies for yourself, if you don’t believe in yourself then you will never know that you could actually do more than you are now.

Remember that you give power to what you believe in.

If you believe in yourself, then you will give power to yourself to do things that you may not know that you can do it. If you believe in your dreams, then you will give them power to become true. If you believe that you can’t do something then you will never be able to do it. If you believe that you are a failure then you will fail in everything you do. If you believe that you are nothing then people will see you as nothing.

Thus, believe in the right things.

Believe in kindness then you will be surrounded by kindness, believe in courage then you will be brave, believe in integrity then you will gain trust, believe in perseverance then you will see the result, believe in yourself then you will do things you don’t know before that you can do it.  

Believe in the right things and you will give power to the right things to happen in your life.