The Unloved and Unwanted.

(picture taken from the internet)

I am listening to a podcast from Steven Furtick and he’s talking about ‘Why Rejection is Actually a Blessing’ where he talked about the story of Leah, Jacob and Rachel. Yeap, the famous Bible love-triangle. 

So, I decided to re-look into the story about Leah, Jacob and Rachel.

To give you a bit of a background, I will tell you the summarised version of this love-triangle story. Leah and Rachel were sisters, daughters of Laban. As the bible noted, Leah was said to have no sparkle in her eyes (in some Bible translations it was said that Leah had a weak eyes, so maybe in this modern age, Leah was one of those who wear glasses and looking like a geek) but Rachel in the other hand had a beautiful figure and a lovely face (yes, that popular girl). 

There was no sparkle in Leah’s eyes, but Rachel had a beautiful figure and a lovely face. (Genesis 29:17)

Jacob was Laban’s nephew, when he was on the run, he sought refuge in Laban’s house and during his stay there, fell in love with Rachel. He told his uncle that he wanted to marry Rachel. Laban told Jacob that if he wanted to marry Rachel then Jacob would need to work for Laban for seven years. Jacob agreed and he worked for Laban for seven years.

In the end of the agreement, Jacob came to Laban and asked him to fulfil his promise which was to marry Jacob to Rachel. So Laban married his daughter to Jacob but after the wedding night, Jacob was surprised to find out that he actually married Leah instead of Rachel. He was so upset and came to see Laban. Laban told Jacob that it was not good if Rachel as the younger sister got married before her older sister, Leah. 

Then Laban came up with another condition to Jacob, Jacob could marry Rachel only if he promised that after the wedding he would work for another seven years for Laban. For the sake of his love, Jacob agreed to the condition, married Rachel and then worked for Laban for another seven years. And the Bible stated that he loved her so much. 

I believe this story would ring closer to some of us. We might feel like Leah, feeling like we’re not good enough compared to other people, feeling unloved, unwanted and rejected. 

When I read that Leah had weak eyes, I can totally relate to her, because me, myself, has been wearing glasses since I was young. Glasses, braces, you name it! I also have always been chubby since I was a kid so speaking of physical appearance, there was time when I really hate to look at myself in the mirror. When the common standards of beauty involving a long silky black hair, white skin and slender figure, my physical appearance was (and still is) totally the opposite of the standards.

So, in terms of physical appearance I know how it feels to compare yourself to other women and noticing that they look better, prettier and lovelier than you. It wasn’t a nice feeling at all, haha. 

There are moments in life as well that I feel unloved, unwanted and rejected just because I fit in the common standards of beauty. It was a damage to my self-worth and I takes quite some time for me to really recover and starting to love myself. 

Other than the physical appearance, there were a lot of things that made me feel not good enough when I compare myself to certain people. From educational background, family background, and so on. I know that as humans, some of us might feel the same thing and it can be very painful. 

Just like Leah. Imagine that a man was married to you not because of he loved you but because he loved your sister, who was said as more beautiful than you. Imagine how painful it must be. But interestingly, this is what the Bible says:

When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, he enabled her to have children, but Rachel could not conceive. (Genesis 29:31)

 

For sure I believe that, God saw her tears at night as her heart was broken of the rejection and the loneliness, because she felt that she was the unwanted one. So, to continue the verse, God enabled her to do something that her sister could not do. 

 

That’s something that God does best. He choose the unloved, the unwanted, the rejected and He does great things through them. He’s the God who choose the unchosen, those who are unfit the world's standards, those who are underestimated (remember David), because God sees what’s inside of us. Our potential. Our future. 

All of us will deal with rejection from time to time, rejection is not a dead end, but it’s a redirection. If people reject us it’s a sign that they’re not the right one for us anyway, when a group of people reject us sometimes it’s the sign that they are flying too low and we have no business in their altitude anyway because God will take us even higher. 

 

We don’t need the approval from the Jacobs in our lives just to prove our worth if we know that God has chosen us since the beginning and He has everything good in His hands for us. If you feel like a Leah today, know that you are loved. You are created to be loved and you don’t need to seek for the approval from those who cannot love you and accept you the way you are. Just look to the One who created you with love, who knows you inside and out and love you still. 

 

This is not only for women but also for men, for everyone who has been in pain of rejection in their lives. I have been there and I know how painful it is, I have been through a time where I wish I can change everything in me, where I wish life is different for me, where I wish my family condition is better and I can have the life like those people I’m comparing myself with. But, knowing God and having a personal journey with Him, it changes everything. 

 

I know God loves me as who I am and I like that. My hair might always be short, my body might need extra effort to be a little bit better in terms of shape and my skin would always be tan, but I love myself the way I am just fine :D - I love my smile. I love my eyes. I love me. With God, I learn to recognise my strength and my weaknesses. I learn how to develop my strength and overcome my weaknesses. Of course I still stumble and fail but I always learn how to get back up again, how to forgive not just other people but also myself, learn something and move on. 

It’s not as easy as flipping your palm upside down but surely, the way to healing starts with acceptance and forgiveness. It starts from within. You cannot change some things in your life, but you can change something, you can change how you look at things and you can open your heart to trust the One who made it. 

Stop wasting time on people who don’t love you. Find those who do love you and most importantly, look into the mirror, find the real you and start loving yourself. I know how it feels to live on seeking for approval from other people and I can definitely tell you that it's definitely not worth it. If people cannot love you for who you are then no matter how hard you try to win their approval or acknowledgment, it still won't make them love you. So, move on and settle down with people who love you for who you are, who celebrate you, trust you and will always encourage you to be the best version of you.

Remember, just because you are rejected doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong in you, maybe people just can’t see what’s inside of you. If they do, if they can see how precious you are, how wonderful your heart is, how great your talents are, how sharp you mind is…they would think twice. *virtual hugs to those who might be feeling down and unloved today* - You matter, you are precious and the world still needs you.

The Voices Within.

I'm writing this on a bumpy boat ride for a one day dive trip on my phone. Plugging my ears with my earphones and listening to the music. Separating me from the world around me, having a solitude moment just me and my thoughts. I cannot hear anything but the sound of music in my ears not even to the sound of the boat engine or the wind and a thought come into my mind.

What have I been listening to lately? What kind of voices do I listen to? What have I been telling myself so far? And how is it affecting me in looking at myself?

Ever since we were born in this world, I believe we have been listening to so many voices. The voices that might bring us down or lift us up.

How many times have we been told that we can or can't do something in our lives? How many times have we heard words that break us or build us? How many times have we felt important or not important by what other people say about us? How many times have we even felt loved and unloved what other people is telling us?

I believe most of us have been there, in the situation where other people’s voices is affecting us in a way. But, more than the external voices we hear from other people, the most influential voice is our own inner voice. What we have been telling ourselves.

To my experience, we are the harshest judge for ourselves, we often condemn ourselves more than other people does. As a person who once been through a depression with a battle inside the mind, I know for sure that what we are telling to our self is the greatest influence of all.

We need to turn down the loud negative voices within and start to say only the good, positive and lovely things to our self. In short, we should not only be kind to other people but also to our own self.

Of course it is not easy because I know that as human being it is easier for us to find our flaws instead of our strengths. If it’s hard for you to understand what I mean, let’s do the following:

I need you to list down what your strengths are in the next 1 minute.

Okay, are you done?

Good, now, I need you to list down what your flaws or weaknesses are in the next 1 minute. 

Done?

Now compare the two lists and see which one is longer. I bet now you know what I mean :)

It is easier to spot our flaws and weaknesses rather than our strengths. That proves that we are the harshest judge over ourselves and we haven't been giving enough highlight, celebration and appreciation for our strengths. 

It’s a long struggle for me as well to learn how to love myself. Since I was young I was always compared to everyone. I was compared to my cousins, I was compared to my friends, I was compared to my parents’ friend’s children and so on. My life has always been in comparison and it’s hard to believe that I am actually good enough. I grew up to be a person that was always cautious about what everyone else is thinking about me and failure was something unacceptable for me.

I was afraid to try anything because I would afraid to fail and worse there was a time where I was afraid to talk to new people, like asking a sales person at the store about the things I want to buy, the cashier to pay or even ordering something at fast found counter was considered as a big deal to me.

Yes, I was that afraid of people. I was afraid that if I said something wrong, they would laugh at me. I was afraid to ask question if I don’t understand something, afraid that people might look down on me or afraid that they would think that my question was so stupid. So I built a habit of finding things out on my own.

Whenever I failed at doing something, said something that I thought of as stupid or receiving a negative feedback from other people, I would condemn and judged myself. It would take days even months for me to get over it. I would blame myself over and over again and played the situation in my head over and over.

I always believed that I was a failure, that I would never do something that make my parents proud, that I would never make it, and that I would never be able to work well or solved anything on my own. I always believe that I would never be able to talk in public, I always believe that I would never live a good life, that I would never achieved anything good in my life.

Why?

Because there was always this voice inside of my head that keep saying that I am not good enough and will never be good enough. That I am a failure, that no one would ever love me, that I have no future, and so on. 

It took a long journey for me to finally be where I am today and I am grateful that through the healing process, I have finally able to start loving myself. For me, it started when I knew God and being in the right community that believed in me, support me and accept me as who I am. 

I am forever grateful to God because He is the greatest part of my healing process. He never get tired telling me that He loves me in many ways and that I was created with a purpose. It doesn't matter what people say about me, it doesn't change the fact that God created me with a purpose, He created me according to His image and He created me to be loved. God is the main reason why I'm still breathing and living and be who I am today.  

Knowing my self-worth that I am precious, that I am created with love, that failure is just a part of learning to be better, that I am created as I am and I am just wonderful the way I am, definitely changed me. When I start realizing the facts, I started to see myself differently. Whenever I looked at myself in the mirror, I always try to say good things to myself and when I started doing that, I gain my confidence and I start to love the person I see in the mirror. 

Whenever the terror comes from the negative voices within, I would look at myself in the mirror and started to say good things, positive things, wonderful things about myself. I would read the Bible to remind me of how wonderful God created me. I would pray and ask God to remind me over and over and over again, that I am loved the way I am, that I am precious, that I am wonderful, that I am able to do anything through Christ who strengthen me. 

When I started to choose to listen only to the good and positive voices (and God's voice for sure), it changed everything and I start to see good things are happening in my life. I never feel the need to compare myself to anyone else now because I have a completely amazing life, a life where I can truly feel and witness God's faithfulness and His amazing works that always leave me in awe. The way God always come through in every situation that I'm going through in life is something too wonderful not be thankful for. 

That timid little girl who was so afraid of what people think of her is now able to stand before many people and speak, even led worship at one time. Now, she doesn't hesitate to reach out to people first and talk to them. Yes, she is still cautious at times, she still think of what people think of her too sometimes, but she doesn't let it intimidate her instead she turns it into something that help her to reflect on herself and improve herself for the better. 

When you start to listen to the right voice, then the way you see yourself will change. If you start to listen only to the good and positive voice, then you will start to love yourself. No matter what people say, believe that you are precious, you matter, you are loved, you have a wonderful future and you are able to do anything you want to do. 

It's time to turn down the negative voices and turn up the positive voices. Start celebrating your life and strengths. Look into the mirror and be grateful for who you are. Smile and see how it changes your life.