The Twins : Empathy and Sympathy

I read an interesting post by a friend on facebook the other day. She was talking about grief and how people easily said: God won’t give you more than you can handle. 

“Am I wrong when I feel that I can’t handle the loss? When the pain is too much and my heart is hurting?”

Sometimes we also say, “Everything happens for a reason” in such situation. 

“Then what’s the reason of this? To hurt me? I can’t understand, is it my fault that I can’t understand the reason?”

Those two statements are often said with good intention but it hurts those who are mourn for the loss of their loved ones. 

When you are having a bad time, those are the last words you would want to hear. Trust me. 

This is where the thin line between empathy and sympathy lies.

Empathy means the feeling that you understand and share another person's experiences and emotions: the ability to share someone else's feelings (merriam-webster dictionary)

Sympathy means the feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else's trouble, grief, misfortune, etc.: a sympathetic feeling (merriam-webster dictionary)

Both empathy and sympathy will make us want to support and comfort those who are in trouble, grief or misfortune. But both have a different way,

Sympathy:

“You will find the silver-line” 

“Everything happens for a reason”

“God will never give you something you can’t handle”

“At least you are still okay, at least your kids are okay”

“Just look at the bright side”

Sympathy will tend to try to make things better. But like seriously, saying those words won’t make anything better. It will only make people slap you in the face. 

Empathy:

“I understand your pain and it’s not easy. I will be here for you.”

“I can’t imagine how you feel, it must be hard for you.”

“I don’t’ know what to say but I’m glad you told me.”

Empathy is trying to understand other people’s feeling andwhat they are going through. It’s trying to see things from their perspective and connecting with them without trying so hard to make things better. 

When people is hurting, rarely words can make things better. Sometimes a listening ear and a hug are all people need to make them feel better. To know that we are not alone in going through the hard time is sometimes the best comfort.