Connecting People.

For those who grow up in the 90s era you would be very aware of a mobile phone brand from Finland with the famous tagline “Connecting People” --yes, I know you know that one! :D

It’s one of my favourite brand tagline. 

The world as we know it, is not that BIG. The more you meet people, the more you know that everyone is connected to one another and sometimes in a very unusual or unique manner and situation.

I have met people randomly that coincidentally connected to someone that I know. Like a friend’s friend that is friend with the other friend. Okay, now that sounds so complicated. LOL. But that’s the reality, somehow we are all connected to each other and sometimes we miss that connection. 

I love meeting new people and connecting people that I know. If a friend needs something that I know another friend has the resource then I love to introduce them to each other. I love to see people working together and help each other. It doesn’t matter whether they remember me or not, as long as I know that by knowing each other they can grow or make something together for greater good, then as a bystander I am happy enough :)

You might ask, why do I do that? What is the benefit for me? Well, maybe it’s because I know how it feels when you need help and no one is there to help you and how grateful you are when someone is finally offering you the help that you need. And I know how it feels to struggle in finding people to work together in achieving a purpose or dream. 

In building relationship, I never thought of gain and loss. I never thought of what you can give to me or what kind of benefit I can get by having a relationship with you. I simply treasure the encounter and value the connection no matter how small or big it is because I’ll never know what the connection will be in the future. 

I believe that every one that crosses our path has a purpose and I cherish every purpose. Good or bad, there’s always something to be grateful for in every connection.

I always love what my pastor said, “People are like seeds. You will never know what kind of tree that might be produced from a seed. Those who are sitting next to you might be the next president of this country or maybe the next noble prize winner. You will never know and what you can do is helping the seed to grow.” --that for me, including connecting people who might need each other with a hope that they can help each other and grow together in achieving their purpose. 

I believe that we are all connected to each other somehow as a part of a greater purpose and each of us no matter how big or small has a contribution in it whether we realise it or not. I watched a speech video by Mark Zuckerberg the other day (click here), and he said this, “Finding your purpose isn’t enough. The challenge of our generation is to create a world where everyone has a sense of purpose. … Purpose is that feeling that you are a part of something bigger than yourself, that you are needed, and that you have something better ahead to work for. Purpose is what creates true happiness.” -- building connection and community is one of the thing that Mark also mentioned in his speech on how we can progress. 

We all have great ideas, we all want to make the world a better place, we all have a purpose in life, but to achieve that we can't do that alone. When we work to give people a chance to get involved in the purpose and give them a role in it, people will start coming together and help us to achieve things we couldn't do on our own. 

That's why I love connecting people, I love seeing people working together especially for a greater good. I've been struggling myself in finding people who understand my purpose and my cause, I know the struggle when it feels like you are walking alone, the hard time when you try to explain things to people and they simply don't get it, or when you need a support and no one is supporting you. I know how it feels like to have a dream or ideas that you don't even know how to start or find the right people to share and work on it together -- I understand the struggle and that's why now, I love helping people to find other people to work together with. Of course not every connection works, sometimes it doesn't but when it does, it's really wonderful. 

No one can work on everything alone. We all need other people and sometimes we even need other community to help us. As I said we are here as a part of a greater purpose whatever it is and by helping each other we will give each other a chance to be part of that greater purpose. 

And to end this post, I will end it with a beautiful Jewish prayer quoted from Mark's speech, Mi Shebeirach; May the Source of strength who blessed the ones before us. Help us find the courage to make our lives a blessing. and let us say: Amen. - Yes, may we always find the courage to always make our lives a blessing for other people in any way that we can. 

The Twins : Empathy and Sympathy

I read an interesting post by a friend on facebook the other day. She was talking about grief and how people easily said: God won’t give you more than you can handle. 

“Am I wrong when I feel that I can’t handle the loss? When the pain is too much and my heart is hurting?”

Sometimes we also say, “Everything happens for a reason” in such situation. 

“Then what’s the reason of this? To hurt me? I can’t understand, is it my fault that I can’t understand the reason?”

Those two statements are often said with good intention but it hurts those who are mourn for the loss of their loved ones. 

When you are having a bad time, those are the last words you would want to hear. Trust me. 

This is where the thin line between empathy and sympathy lies.

Empathy means the feeling that you understand and share another person's experiences and emotions: the ability to share someone else's feelings (merriam-webster dictionary)

Sympathy means the feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else's trouble, grief, misfortune, etc.: a sympathetic feeling (merriam-webster dictionary)

Both empathy and sympathy will make us want to support and comfort those who are in trouble, grief or misfortune. But both have a different way,

Sympathy:

“You will find the silver-line” 

“Everything happens for a reason”

“God will never give you something you can’t handle”

“At least you are still okay, at least your kids are okay”

“Just look at the bright side”

Sympathy will tend to try to make things better. But like seriously, saying those words won’t make anything better. It will only make people slap you in the face. 

Empathy:

“I understand your pain and it’s not easy. I will be here for you.”

“I can’t imagine how you feel, it must be hard for you.”

“I don’t’ know what to say but I’m glad you told me.”

Empathy is trying to understand other people’s feeling andwhat they are going through. It’s trying to see things from their perspective and connecting with them without trying so hard to make things better. 

When people is hurting, rarely words can make things better. Sometimes a listening ear and a hug are all people need to make them feel better. To know that we are not alone in going through the hard time is sometimes the best comfort.

Hope

(picture was taken from the internet)

Hope is an optimistic attitude of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one's life or the world at large. (Source: Wikipedia)

Hope:

1. To cherish a desire with anticipation: to want something to happen or be true

2. Trust

3. To desire with expectation of obtainment or fulfillment

4. To expect with confidence

(Source: Merriam-Webster dictionary)

Few years ago I volunteered in an organisation that worked with street children and people who lived in slum areas in Jakarta. I still remember that one night, we were distributing papers and colouring pencils to the children so they could draw anything they want, as all children do, they were so excited, each picking their own paper and chose the colours they want, sit down and drew. 

I was sitting with a boy on the side of the street as he was drawing. Curiously asked him, “What is your dream? What do you want to be when you grow up?” – There was a pause for a moment before he answered, “I don’t have a dream. I don’t think it is possible for me to have a dream.” and he continued to draw. His answer left me speechless. He was around 7 or 8 years old. Living in the street with no parents. He didn’t even know when his birthday was, his parents left him alone in Jakarta until someone took him in and worked him as street musician, begging for money from people. 

I still could not forget the look in his eyes when he said those words, there was no hope in it. I guess, maybe even no one ever asked him such question. It must be very sad to have lived without a dream that makes you hope will come true, especially for children. 

What would life feel like if you have no idea what to hope for? 

Hope is something that moves us from within, a confident believe that what we wish for or dream for will come true. Hope is the strength that will help us to endure and even overcome hardships in life. Hope is the spark in the eyes driven by passion. It's the reason that we live life. To lose hope I think would be like losing life itself. 

Hope is very close with expectations and as we all know, expectations are frail things. Expectations are easy to break if we are not careful. Thus, it is very important to put our hope in the right place so we can manage our expectations in the right way.

So, if I may ask you today, where do you put your hope? do you still have it? or have you lost it?

The Flickering Light.

I was running at the gym when I noticed something wasflickering so I looked up and apparently there’s a lamp that needed to be replaced. I looked around and nobody else seemed like they notice it, so I was wondering if I should tell someone about it once I finished my running session. 

Just before I finished, apparently one of the cleaning service staffs noticed it too and not for long he came back with his friend to fix the lamp and once they were done, the lamp was back to shine brightly. 

And something hit me in the mind, just like the lamp, people also emit the flickering light when they are tired, sad or in trouble to hint that they need a rest, a comfort or even a help. 

Humans, are social being. We cannot live without other people. No matter how introverted we are (as introverts are often associated with anti-social – okay, don’t let me get there!:p) – we all need other people in our lives especially during the hard times. 

Whether we like it or not, we should admit that having someone to care about us always feels so nice and that’s why somehow when we are in need of other people, unconsciously we will emit that flickering light, to get someone or anyone to notice us, just like the flickering lamp at the gym. 

The random status on the social media, the empty look on the face in the midst of the crowd, the cranky attitude, the rude behaviour, the songs in the playlists, the painting that was made, the link posted, the stories posted on social media, the quotes posted, the writings that are written, the tears shed and so on – are the flickering light, our flickering light. Our effort to reach out to people. 

There will be people who will see that flickering light, sometimes they will ignore it and sometimes there will be those who care enough to stop and try to reach back. Those who care, keep them well and don’t take them for advantage. 

And some other times, we will be those people who will see that flickering light on other people where we would need to make the same decisions, to ignore it or to reach back. 

There is one quote from Plato that said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

We all have our flickering light moments – so being kind, is the best thing we can do to help other people who are having the flickering light moments. We will never know what other people is facing, dealing or struggling with, but at the very least we can be that person who brings a little comfort in their lives. 

Start with small things – a smile, a hello, a thank you, an appreciation, an encouragement, a listening ear, a hug, a pat in the back, a support, a listening ear and finally an understanding heart. 

I have a story, one day I was on my way to the gym which is located in the top floor of a shopping mall so I took the elevator. The elevator was operated by an elevator man and as soon as the elevator door opened, I smiled at the elevator man – he smiled back, then when I was off the top floor, I thanked him. 

It happened for a few weeks until one day I didn’t see him for the whole week, and then on the next week, I saw him again, as usual, I smiled at him and he smiled back. 

Then, I asked him where he has been because I didn’t see him for a while, from the look on his face, my question kind of caught him by surprise before he answered that he was moved to another shift at another elevator and I noticed that something changed, his face suddenly brightened up and he told me that it’s been a hard day for him so I listened until I got off the elevator, again, I smiled, said thank you and wished him all the best. He smiled brightly and thanked me.

Since then, whenever he saw me, he would give his brightest smile. He would help me out with things and even when he didn’t see me for a while, now he asked me, where have I been and how I’ve been. It might be a simple thing but I suppose that simple thing has made his day a little brighter and I was glad for that.  

It was always a short interaction within a short time in an elevator, but as much as he was brightened up by my smile, I was always brightened up by his smile as well. 

Besides, won't it feel good if we can do a little kindness to put a smile on someone's face? Who knows they might have been having a bad day and that was their first smile of the day :)

The Protection Called - LIMIT.

“when drinking (alcohol), you need to know your limit and stop before you get over the limit, it means you know how to take care of yourself.”​

If anything good ever comes from an ex – it’s this advice, haha (jk) – and I should thank him for that because every time I go out drinking with my friends, I always remember what he said.

So, let’s talk about limit. 

What is limit? – According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, limit means something that bounds, restrains or confines. 

Wow, that sounds negative. But truth is, sometimes limit is the thing that protect us from unnecessary harm. 

For example, if a doctor prescribe you a medication, then you should only take what is prescribed. If you take more or less than what it should. It might either be not effective or worse, harm you. 

If you see a speeding limit sign, it means you are allowed to drive within the allowable limit. Going slower or faster than the allowable limit might cause an accident either to you or to other people. 

Limit – is also there in our relationship with other people. We know that by social norms. When we go over the limit then we might hurt or cause discomfort to other people that might lead to disputes, arguments and disharmony. Limit in relationship with other people, teach us to appreciate and respect each other. 

And interestingly – we can actually see what kind of values one is holding by what he / she is limiting himself / herself from. 

For example, if we value relationship then we would never try to win an argument by the expense of it. We will try to limit ourselves from doing or saying things that will hurt the other person. We would try to figure out the best way to resolve the argument without costing the relationship.

If we value health then we would try to limit ourselves from consuming foods that are not good for our health, of course fried chicken is good, steak is amazing but we limit taking them because we know it’s not good for our health if we’re consuming it too much.

It’s always interesting to know where does people put their limit and boundaries. It’s a way to know them and what they value because people would always protect what they value and limit is one of the protection. So what's your limit?