Heart Talk.

I’ve been fasting for the past week and on the fifth day I can say that Heaven is so kind for teaching me a lot of stuffs and revealing some facts.
 
On the fifth day, I figured out another fact about the person I’m currently praying for. It was quite devastating. I didn’t have enough sleep the night before. I had a heavy talk with a friend about this particular person, my mind hadn’t stop thinking and I was having a whole day meeting. So, yes, my heart was in a mess. I took some time to sit on the office pantry, stirring myself a cup of tea and sat on the side of the window, looking out. My heart was breaking but I was even too tired to shed a tear.
 
But then, I thought to myself, why would on earth I grief over something that is not even worth to shed a tear over? Didn’t I pray? Didn’t I fast? Didn’t I trust God? – and I started to laugh. Maybe people thought I was crazy for laughing with no reason but I know the exact reason why I was laughing. I asked God and He answered.
 
More things are revealed after and all the things that I was secretly wishing for was granted. What can I ask for more from God? I’m thankful. Things might not go in the way I wish they would be but, it is enough for me to know that God really listen to my prayers. I have to say that getting through this phase is like knowing God all over again and the way He’s romancing me to comfort my heart is definitely grand. I love Him.
 
As for the particular person I’m praying for, I know that Heaven loves him more than I do and I know that God knows what’s best for both of us. If we don’t end up together then it would be for our best, God sees the bigger picture that neither me nor him see at the present moment. Currently I don’t have any idea of what will become of us, all I can do is to pray and surrender. I pray for him, I pray for his future, his family, his potential and his faith in God. I pray that God will protect him and take care of him, because no matter how much I love and care about him, Heaven loves and cares about him more.
 
If things don’t go the way I want it to be, I ask God to grant me a big heart, peace to embrace His plan and the heart to still pray for his life. And yes, I would need to focus on other things rather than let myself carried by what I feel. I’m looking forward for His plan for me, hopefully I won’t get sidetracked again :)

The Need To Explain.

It’s quite an amusing fenomena that sometimes when we asked something, people don’t answer it directly but instead explaining something.

For example :

“where do you live?” | “oh, i don’t live with my parents here, I live alone at a dorm.”

Err, that’s not exactly answering the question right?

Or, just like a conversation I had earlier :

“I don’t like changing plan when I travel with bunch of people.”

“hmm, yeah that can be quite a hassle. however, what do your friends think about the change of plan?”

“well, these people are great people to travel with.”

“err...what I mean is, do they have any objection on the change? If not, then it should be fine.”

“ohh...yes, they’re fine. they’re cool with it.”

Again, not really answering my real question but instead explaining about something else.

Thus, I made a conclusion that sometimes our pre-assumption translates something we hear according to what we think we hear people say instead of what people really say. Thus, come the need to explain because we have somehow mislead the question into something we have already thought of.

Maybe my friend thought that I asked the question because I thought his friends are bunch of whiny people who would easily complain when something doesn’t go as expected. Thus, he explained that his friends are great people to travel with. While my REAL QUESTION was whether everyone was okay with the change of plan and WHY I asked that question was not because I thought that his friends are bunch of whiny people but because if everyone’s agree with the change of plan then it should be fine and he should not be worry about it.

And I did that too. When someone asked me a question, sometimes I felt the need to explain something in the answer to ensure that he / she really get what I mean. Or sometimes, simply because I assumed things as the reason why he / she asked the question thus, I felt the need to explain a bit more to answer his / her reason. If you pay attention to the explanatory answer, you will find some underlying truth or actual feeling in response of the question. That is very interesting.

Living Without A Dream.

Someone told me yesterday that he never have any dream. Even as a child he never knew how to answer a simple question like “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. He also can’t get the concept of following your passion because he doesn’t even know what is his passion. It stunned me.

While in the opposite side, I’m a hardcore dreamer. I have lots of BIG DREAMS, such as the dream of building a school for unfortunate children, the dream of becoming a professional photographer, the dream of having a tea place where people can get off from their busy day for a while and have a moment of solitude and peace, the dream of traveling all around the world, diving, taking pictures and having my own photo exhibition, the dream of having a family with children and a dog and maybe then traveling with my kids to let them see the beauty of their homeland, etc.

That’s A LOT right? YEP.                                                                              
That’s why I always put this on my bio : just a little girl at heart with dreams bigger than the world.

I have people telling me that my dreams are TOO MUCH, TOO BIG and TOO IMPOSSIBLE. Well, don’t you think it’s kinda cool to challenge yourself to do all those stuffs and prove them wrong? *smile*

Dreams give people reason to live, dreams helping people to make plans and getting through life. Dreams can be the reason why people are not giving up because they believe in the future, in the coming things, in making the dreams come true. Dreams help people to have a hope for tomorrow, to set the priority and to prepare them for what’s coming in the future. Dreams give you excitement, something to look forward to and joy in trying to make it come true. Dreams teach you how to handle disappointments, how to act when things don’t go the way you want them to, how to keep pushing through and getting up everytime life knocks you down.

I remember a verse in the Bible said, “where there is no vision, the people perish.” – dreams or vision giving people direction and setting the course of their life. when you have no direction then what kind of life would that be. Living life just like that is not enough. Living life in the now is good, but it is not enough. When you live in the now without having a vision of the future, you will only wasting your time doing something that will never produce anything and slowly, it will eventually drain your life.

It doesn’t mean that I’m against living in the present. Living in the present, in the now is also very important because you cannot go living in the future without the present. But to live the present to the fullest, you need to have a vision of the future because what you do in the present will create the future.

I am a firm beliver that everyone is here in this world to make a difference, everyone is called to live a great life not just ordinary normal life. The only problem is sometimes, we’re satisfied enough with the ordinary. We settle down too easy in a safe net just because other people seem to do that. It’s like keeping an ocean size fish in a small pond. Not quite comfortabel ain’t it? J - so let it go a bit and free the potential inside you.

If you stumble into this blog and read my post, I hope you will soon find your dream and have the courage to pursue it. Live your life to the fullest because you only get to live it once.

Unhappy.

I think the reason why people are uhappy is because they are unwilling to let go of the things that make them sad.