how she hates goodbyes.

written on Thursday, 10 September 2009 at 00:54 - facebook post


it was such a cold night. she was standing under the dark sky, trying to count the stars. she put her hands safe inside her jacket, make them feel a little warm. 

she couldn't help to rewind the memories. she closed her eyes and let the time flew her away to the old days.

the news struck her like a lightning in the middle of the day. her best friend was leaving. they were sitting and talking by the pool when her best friend finally told her about her plan to go abroad to study. she honestly didn't know what to feel or what to say, but finally managed to smile and said that she was happy for her. deep inside...her heart broke. they spent their moments left together, having a lot of fun and she just refused to say 'goodbye'. she hated that word.

she was there, looking at him. that day was the last day they would ever be able to stand face to face. she tried hard to hold her tears. she hated to say goodbye, farewell had never been her favorite thing to do. she tried to smile but suddenly when he came to hug her for the last time, she burst into tears. he whispered words of comforts, promises and encouragement. She whispered her prayers into his ears. Then...they parted and he went away with the crowd...she watched his back until she no longer could find him among the people. her tears dried and she turned away, praying that God would really take care of him.

he was a big brother in Christ she loved so dearly, they would spent times on the phone talking about stuffs and he would listened to all her weird questions and gave her support and encouragement. for her, he was the best brother. she loved him so. until one day, he told her that he had decided to move away. it was so hard for her, but she knew that if it was for his best, she would support him. and there he went...days were numbered. contacts were managed until one day they somehow drew apart and in her heart she knew, he wasn't the person he used to be. but sincerely she always hopes for the best for him, until today. her dear brother. her loved one. 

they gave her a cute book with such wonderful pictures of them and encouraging words. she loved them too much that she refused to tell them until the last time that she was going to move to another city. she didn't want them to know, she didn't want them to say 'goodbye' to her. they were her family, they were the people who accepted her as who she is, they were part of her life. she had a life there but she had to leave and nothing she could do to change it. her heart broke. she cried night over night. she prayed that she would never have to leave, but her prayer was answered in a different way, she still had to leave. until her last time, she never said 'goodbye'. 

As a child she moved a lot, from one place to another. she was so used to see people came and then went away. every time her loved ones went away or every time she had to leave them, they took a part of her heart. 

sometimes, she feels so afraid of loving people, of getting attached to them too close because somehow she feels they would one day leave her or she would one day leave them. she always feel the fright of losing people and the fear that if they ever meet each other again, they have changed and she doesn't know if she would like the change or not. she's afraid of losing them forever.

she opened her eyes, she could feel a tear almost falling from her eyes. she blinked hard and then held her head high. she looked at the stars and whispered a prayer for those who are away from her, the people that she loves. she knew that in whatever, life must go on and she has to be strong. stronger than before. stronger than ever. trusting God that He will take care of them and pray that if He's willing, He will bring their path crossed again. 

and for the ones she loves right now, she promises herself that she will try her best to treasure and cherish every moment with them because she will never know...maybe one day they will leave her or she will leave them.

some old writings.

i think i have been writing a lot of post on my facebook notes, so in order to keep the balance here and there i have decided to synchronize the posts from my facebook and my posts here.

it's migrating TIME! :))